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dankmemes2017-05-21 10:14 am
hadrielmods) wrote in dankmemes2017-05-21 10:14 am
Entry tags:
test drive meme #20
Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open May 25th, and apps are open June 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.
Two quick points here as well:1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!
Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!
F E A R
SCENARIO ONE: BURN BABY BURN
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.
Or that... bonfire behind you? That's sure what it looks like, but if you get a little closer - which you probably shouldn't - you'll see a face in those flames This time, the Door has brought in some Doomers, from the Baten Kaitos video game.
Doomers are creatures made of flame that sure would like it if you were on fire too. It works for them, right? What do you mean you don't want to be engulfed in flames? These Doomers will send clouds of sparks in the direction of anyone that might be a threat (or anyone they don't like), searing them with the heat and trying to catch them on fire. Hot damn!]
SCENARIO TWO: IT'S JUST A CAT
[Why does it always have to be like this? There you were, going about your day, when you turned a corner and something jumped out at you. Maybe a monster with sharp teeth and claws, maybe a snake striking at your feet, maybe just a terrifying dark shape - whatever it was, it scared the shit out of you.
And then it disappeared in a puff of brightly-colored smoke and glitter, because that's just how Hadriel rolls. Awesome. And maybe if it just happened once it would be a big deal, but it's happening all the time. Practically every other corner you turn, half the doors you open, even just when you look over your shoulder. Careful about getting too jumpy, though - what are you gonna do if your friend taps you on the shoulder and you freak out? How embarrassing.
This is a mini version of our Jumpscares event this month!]
H O P E
SCENARIO THREE: I LIKE YOUR HAIR
[Everything seems normal today. No monsters, no weird shapes jumping out at you. Maybe it'll just be a normal day. Maybe it'll even be nice. No - it'll definitely be nice.
How can we be sure of that? Easy! Every time you touch someone today - whether it's an accidental bump or an intentional touch - you'll blurt out a genuine compliment. If you don't know them well, it could be something as simple as saying they look nice today, or that their eyes are a lovely shade of green. If you do know them, it'll be more specific. Maybe you're impressed by their work ethic, or you love the sound of their singing voice. Maybe you actually hate them but you really appreciate the way they always remember to put the toilet seat down (because that's the only good thing about them).
Whatever it is, you'll find yourself saying it out loud. Don't worry - nothing too personal will be blurted out, and you can stop yourself if you really want to. But isn't it great to be nice to people for once?]
1!!!!!!!
Except if he doesn't spring into action now, his dwarf is gonna end up served to him extra crispy. Not that he has to stop and think at all before he comes barrelling in, tackling the floating fireball shieldfirst, trying first and foremost to get it away from Merle so it doesn't light up his whole wood arm.]
Just cast something, Merle! Did you forget how to do magic!?
[Guess who isn't up to speed on missing deities? It's this big guy trying not to get his shoulder singed right here. Magnus is just assuming his general clerical shortcomings have come to a head right when Merle's about to get set on fire. Good thing Magnus has been replacing his arms collection with decidedly less-magic replacements.
'Cause yeah, that sure isn't Railsplitter Magnus is swinging, shield up. Thankfully he's rolling well enough not to get burnt in the process.
ITS THE MANGO
Con: Magnus is dumb and fleshy again and attacking a fire monster with a regular old axe, fully under the impression that Merle can toss up a Create Water or something. Or god forbid... heal him if he almost dies???? Potentially? He doesn't do standard cleric shit on a good day, this is a recipe for disaster.
(Merle also makes a mental note that Magnus looks young and has all of his stupid fingers again, and boy is he gonna set aside a lot of time to be jealous about that later.) ]
You probably can't pick up on this, but I'm not exactly bathing in a pool of Pan's holy light!
[ There's no right time to have a "god's either dead or especially not digging me" conversation. ]
ITS THE M'EARL
Half of one eyebrow and a bunch of hair gets all burnt up straightaway, and Magnus yelps and swipes at it with the shield.]
Alright! New plan then!! And stop me if this sounds dumb, but -- let's get the fuck out of here!
[He disengages 'cause he can just do that, trying to push the thing away from him with the shield, and turns and runs directly at Merle, scooping him up in his shield arm and trying to get them both away from the monster as fast as possible.]
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Plus Magnus with half of his head on fire just shaved a few years off his life, if he's honest with himself, because that big goobus just got back into the ol' pod-body if he's here now. Protect that head. Stop having it be a little on fire. ]
That might be the best you've ever had! [ Good job buddy. ] Leave it to someone who has a bucket of water and get us the hell outta dodge before you lose a sideburn!
[ He's not even going to complain about getting scooped up, because he rolled a 16 on "agreeing to get the fuck out of here" and Magnus runs faster than he can. It's the legs. ]
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Once he reaches the edge of the Colosseum, where the fireballs are few and far in between, he drops Merle as gently as he can without taking much time to do it and collapses onto his knees, panting.]
That was -- [breathe] not the best -- [gasp] time to -- [heave] lose your faith, Merle! [huff]
[They're clear of monsters for now, so Magnus is just gonna lay on his back and contemplate all the ways he imagined this reunion going, and how none of those daydreams prepared him for living fire. That's not even fair.]
I knew it. The Door has it out for me. First everyone sees my hog, now it's trying to serve it up medium well.
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That was some good footwork, Magnus. Pretty sharp thinking. But you know what? If I never have to even think about seeing or- or hearing about your hog again for the rest of my life, it'll still be too soon.
[ Like he can't even give Maggo a sagely supportive pat on the shoulder, though that's also partly tied up in the faith commentary he's so expertly dodging. A true verbal acrobat. ]
At least you read the note and put some clothes on.
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Yeah, Iiiiiiii, may have not seen the note. Yet. Look, it's a work in progress. I showed up here babyfresh and fancyfree, and I had to kind of loot everything I'm wearing. Or holding. Or possessing. But it's not really looting because technically everything's free here? So I'm good. In the eyes of Pan, I'm good.
[Speaking of... Don't think Magnus didn't notice that pseudo-expert dodge there.]
Which, don't think I've forgotten, why are you not good in the eyes of Pan, exactly? Care to share with the class?
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Most important is wondering how everything's free, for a second. Like, how will they make money?? They don't need money, there is no money, everything's free, but then how would they get paid if they did work??? He's done the penniless nomad thing and the self-sufficient commune thing, but gold's been a real deal-breaker the past couple of years. It's a cyclical thought process. Merle should probably consider all the stuff with Barry and the Director as more of an immediate priority.
But a Dwarf's gotta make bank, bro. And the immediacy of getting into that vault became way less immediate the second he showed up in arena central. He'll be fine putting it on the backburner after a little while. More time to figure his, uh. Personal magic situation out. ]
I knew I should've just said I was out of spell slots. Look. Listen, uhhh. Pan may- or may not! He might not! But for a while, it's been feeling like he might be...
[ Gone. Not just out of office, call again later, properly gone. Trying to explain this out loud in any capacity makes it a lot realer, and Merle isn't digging that. It's never happened before, no matter what he messed up or how bad it got. Maybe he really is not good in the eyes of Pan anymore, maybe this is what happens when that happens. Which would suck. Pan's the chillest god there is. How could he have ruined that sweet deal in the past like, three days?
Merle clears his throat. ]
Not exactly... there. Probably has a hangover.
[ He doesn't believe that At All. But it sounds better than "anyway this is merle, the cleric with no spiritual connection to any deities or magic of any kind". ]
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It's probably terrifying. But he knows Merle is also not one to dwell on serious shit if he doesn't have to, so Magnus follows his lead.]
Yeah, he's probably just gone fishing or something. Gods gotta take a vacay sometimes, too, yeah?
[It explains Merle's reluctance to attack that fire monster with magic, though. Fuck, this is worse than Magnus showing up with no weapons. At least he could replace them.
But he's sure Merle wants to have to worry about it even less than Magnus does, so he changes the subject.]
Hey. Glad you finally made it, buddy. [Magnus claps a hand on his shoulder, which is a more awkward maneuver than it could be, because Magnus is so tall in comparison that he has to bend over to reach.] It just wasn't the same without someone around to keep reminding us we need God.
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Like they say, life ain't always easy. But Magnus is still here and in good standing, and neither of them is burnt to a very dead crisp. This could objectively be worse. And, uhh. The architecture's pretty cool? Sure, yeah, if someone comes around with a clipboard and a survey, he'll put that in the comments section. ]
Well, if I didn't keep reminding you, nobody would.
[ Okay but a good point of Magnus bending down super awkwardly to clap Merle on the shoulder: Merle can reach up to pat him on his shoulder a couple of times instead of having to pat him on the hip. Such tank, very friend. ]
But speaking of "us," we're awfully light on zingers and magic missiles. Taako should've been dumped in here next to me!
[ Please stop him from hopping up to get a better look at the area, as if an Elf wizard is just gonna be hanging around on a binicorn and blasting shit on a second viewing. Or join him, whichever. ]
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Weeeell... Taako's kind of already been here. For a month now. With me. Without you. Now, uh, in our defense, we definitely looked for you, and also, it's kinda the Door's fault for obviously purposefully picking on me in particular.
[Magnus shrugs.]
The thing picks us out of time and dumps us back in as it pleases. Some people remember totally different shit than their friends from home, it gets pretty wet and wild. I guess we're lucky it didn't take you that long to show up, too?
[Which is definitely how he should be looking at it, right? The THB that rides together dies together.]
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[ Get the we-looked-for-you defense out there before he can complain about it. That's the best strategy because it's easier for Merle to take in stride. He doesn't have to get all Troy about it. And a thorough 17-ish's worth of staring Magnus down doesn't turn over any big fat liar warning signs, either, which helps this whole case.
Not! That he's glad to hear the other two members of the DK Crew are okay and have been okay! Gross. ]
If we hadn't already done the time thing, I'd call shenanigans. But since I know it's possible...
[ He scrambles back down from whatever the fuck he climbed onto, and huffs out a laugh. Poor carpenter Magnus. No magical space-time tear door handling proficiency, wow. ]
Well, doesn't seem like I missed much in a month anyway. I mean, what, you being naked and looting? Fire monsters? I could've got that back home on a week off! And you sure wouldn't catch me askin' for reruns.
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cheatconstantly roll way good, but also Magnus has been rolling like shit lately, so maybe his comeuppance has finally arrived.]Uhhh, yeah, you totally didn't miss anything.
[If Magnus sounds suspiciously evasive about that, he most definitely is. Magnus was publicly naked twice and one time was half-voluntary. Also he cut down a tree and generally terrorized the populace by running around screaming and breaking shit. And he kind of hit on Taako accidentally? He was drunk and it wasn't supposed to be flirting. Can't stress this enough, Magnus is unromanceable.
But yeah. Merle didn't miss anything.]
I mean, we could revisit me being naked if you want, I'm still here and locked and loaded underneath m'clothes. Then you really wouldn't have missed anything.
[There was something else Merle needed to know...]
Oh yeah, we saved space for you. Taako wanted to get a two-bedroom so he could share a Queen with you but I told him, no way, we're getting a three-bedroom, and that is final.
[No one's here calling this a lie, so that means it must be true.]
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[ Says Merle, a party member who would (and in some cases probably does) almost unquestionably ditch his clothing without a second thought. It's the thought that counts. ]
Now if Taako still wants some quality time with me, I'm sure we can come to an agreement. But you made the right call! [ Pat... pat? ] A man needs- well, no, a Dwarf, a Dwarf needs his space. I'm gonna have a garden to build back up. Are we a sock on the door household? People still doin' that?
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[Callbacks to jokes Merle wasn't here for, whoops.]
Anyway, this place can get really... messed up. It's like Wonderland all over again, except the liches in question aren't liches per se and they're looking for us to feel the whole spectrum of emotion. Shit gets real invasive real quick. I mean, I say they're not liches, they're basically liches, just a whole lot nicer about it to get your guard down.
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Merle's gonna forget that mental note like real fast though. ]
Well, I gotta be honest. Not a fan of that. We're starting to overuse the liches and emotional batteries thing. I mean, them gunning for the full spectrum is nice, but we're supposed to be frying some bigger fish on the moon right now.
[ He chuckles a little because this is exactly the right time for that, obviously. ]
I'm runnin' out of eyes to lose!
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[That's... what he's blaming what happened at the party on, anyway.]
I mean... There was this thing I guess Fear did, where he made everyone get startled by hallucinations that just exploded into glitter and stuff in your face, but sometimes... I dunno. These gods are real, just real jerks about it, let's just say that. Even Delight, who I totally thought was cool??
And before you say anything, they're not real gods. She said that's just the closest word. And, I mean, if they can get around Kravitz's whole thing...
[Magnus shrugs. He'unno.]
Oh, yeah, also, don't touch any of the big metal boxes in the apartment. The ones with little doors. Some of them are fire boxes. Those are Taako's. The water boxes, we're, uh, still working on.
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[ Those are apparently real things that existed a couple of D&D editions ago. What he means is more like the Hercules of liches. It doesn't make sense to Merle, honestly. If they're strong enough to actually force people to feel things they wouldn't normally, why would they need those feelings to feed on? There's probably something going on here.
Not even a nat 20 perception would unveil that ultimate goal and means, though. ]
Fire and water... no earth or wind? This could be some kind of a, an elemental balance thing. I've seen it a million times. It's terrible for your luck. Now you can get by without, uh, the water. But you've at least gotta have the other three. That's the way of the world, isn't it?
[ I only apped to have to google song lists to make Earth Wind & Fire references. ]
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[Of course Merle would go through a lot of effort to reference something from ten years before Magnus was born.]
Well, the fire boxes are for cooking, that's why they're Taako's. The wind box is in the ceiling, it makes the apartment stay cool. If there's an earth box I will personally launch my own ass into the sun. But there's a wood box, which is where all my wood stuff is, because I don't have my pocket workshop on me. Also known as a crate.
["Wood box" is really just a pile of random wood Magnus has picked up from rubble around town and started to fashion into wooden animals as gifts of thanks for random acts of kindness that have been extended to him since he's moved into Hadriel. The hawk and the wolf have been delivered, which leaves just Hotaru's punk duck waiting to be united with its true owner. The rest is random half-finished projects Magnus has picked up while bored.
It kind of makes the living room look like a mess.]
Also, no one got that Earth, Wind and Fire joke but you, Merle.