[Chris is silent while she continues, eye flickering a bit at her words, because just like her earlier ones they hit close to home. She's right; he didn't try, and turning on her so quickly without stopping to think about if it was even necessary had been an incredibly horrible thing to do, especially when they had all been friends for so long.
And it isn't only that; it wasn't the same situation, but he does know what it's like to think you're about to be shot. That's one of those things he remembers perfectly; the sound of the saws and Ashley crying and the coldness of the metal when he pressed the barrel of the gun against his jaw. How even though he made the decision about what to do very quickly, it had taken so much agonizingly longer to be able to actually gather the will to do it.
But at least he'd thought shooting himself would serve a purpose in saving Ashley. For Emily there had been nothing to gain, and it turned out no point in doing it at all even for the rest of them. The whole situation had been a mess and it could have gone so much more wrong, but just because she hadn't actually died doesn't somehow make it less horrifying an experience. He knows that all too well.
When she steps closer he's a little concerned she's going to slap him--it'd be warranted but he'd rather not get his glasses broken--but instead she gives him that look and somehow it's way worse. At her words he nods, just once, staring back at her as seriously as she is at him.]
I won't.
[It's quiet, unhesitating, and he means it just as much as he'd meant the apology.]
I promise.
[He can't change what happened, with Emily or Josh or the stranger or anyone else, but he can choose not to make the same mistakes twice.]
tw for mentions of suicide
And it isn't only that; it wasn't the same situation, but he does know what it's like to think you're about to be shot. That's one of those things he remembers perfectly; the sound of the saws and Ashley crying and the coldness of the metal when he pressed the barrel of the gun against his jaw. How even though he made the decision about what to do very quickly, it had taken so much agonizingly longer to be able to actually gather the will to do it.
But at least he'd thought shooting himself would serve a purpose in saving Ashley. For Emily there had been nothing to gain, and it turned out no point in doing it at all even for the rest of them. The whole situation had been a mess and it could have gone so much more wrong, but just because she hadn't actually died doesn't somehow make it less horrifying an experience. He knows that all too well.
When she steps closer he's a little concerned she's going to slap him--it'd be warranted but he'd rather not get his glasses broken--but instead she gives him that look and somehow it's way worse. At her words he nods, just once, staring back at her as seriously as she is at him.]
I won't.
[It's quiet, unhesitating, and he means it just as much as he'd meant the apology.]
I promise.
[He can't change what happened, with Emily or Josh or the stranger or anyone else, but he can choose not to make the same mistakes twice.]