[They had talked briefly about it. A confession of fears. Life after Glendower, life after death, the fear implicit in both as well as the possibility that there wouldn't be anything at all to be afraid of. Noah sighs, tucking his legs up against his chest and resting his chin on them. He's still quiet as anything, watching Gansey as he works through the mental aerobics of what it means that their dead friend is now somewhat alive.
Gansey is back. Gansey is here. That means everything will be okay somehow. Noah is not sure how, since all it really means is Gansey is in danger again, but he'll bring balance to their shifting orbits that have been thrown askew since he was gone. Gansey will make it better by virtue of being Gansey, like he always has.]
Heavy. Messy.
[It's what Noah told Ronan when he first asked, the 'heavy' part. Messy applies too, though. The basic daily needs as well as the more troubling parts. Now when Noah's upset he actually has to deal with it. That more than anything was what had him longing for the insubstantial being of death again. Always a coward, it was so much easier to just stop being for a while when he got too mad or sad. Actually coping with these things instead, it's awful.]
But I can get drunk again, so that's nice.
[Being blackout drunk is the next best thing to not existing.]
no subject
Gansey is back. Gansey is here. That means everything will be okay somehow. Noah is not sure how, since all it really means is Gansey is in danger again, but he'll bring balance to their shifting orbits that have been thrown askew since he was gone. Gansey will make it better by virtue of being Gansey, like he always has.]
Heavy. Messy.
[It's what Noah told Ronan when he first asked, the 'heavy' part. Messy applies too, though. The basic daily needs as well as the more troubling parts. Now when Noah's upset he actually has to deal with it. That more than anything was what had him longing for the insubstantial being of death again. Always a coward, it was so much easier to just stop being for a while when he got too mad or sad. Actually coping with these things instead, it's awful.]
But I can get drunk again, so that's nice.
[Being blackout drunk is the next best thing to not existing.]