dankmemes | test drive meme #28

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!test drive

test drive meme #28

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open January 25th, and apps are open February 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: GOT ANY BREATH MINTS?
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

It looks like this time the Door is going for a little variety. You get to enjoy a couple kinds of chaos serpents, from the video game Hexen.

Chaos serpents are bipedal reptilian creatures with three horns, in two different colors. They can bite, as with most monsters, but the real threat is their breath weapons. The green ones spit powerful fireballs, while the brown ones spit clouds of poisonous gas. If you're lucky, they'll fight each other instead of you - but who ever gets lucky here?]

L O V E

SCENARIO TWO: ONE MINUTE IN HEAVEN
[Remember that first rush of infatuation, when your heart beats fast and your cheeks get red and you feel like you could do anything - anything - to get your crush's attention? Maybe you don't. Maybe you're too level-headed for that. Well, not anymore.

Now, whenever you meet a new person, you feel one solid minute of the most intense crush you've ever had. Their hair! Those eyes! Those incredibly attractive arm muscles! That tinkling laugh! Maybe you're the type to get nervous, maybe you'll swallow seven packets of hot sauce to show how cool you are, maybe you'll just lay down your very best pickup lines. Maybe more than one of the above - there are so many ways to embarrass yourself in 60 seconds!

But then time's up, and your insta-crush is gone, and now you get to deal with the consequences. What did you say? What did you do? That laugh you thought was beautiful and tinkling turns out to be obnoxious and honking. Also, you're pretty sure you just hit on your neighbor. But hey... maybe they actually are pretty hot, and you just made the first move. It's possible!]

C O N F U S I O N

SCENARIO THREE: THE PITTER PATTER OF LITTLE FEET
[There you were, minding your own business, when you suddenly fell into a deep sleep. Not that you remember that - now all you remember is being a child, as your consciousness has taken the form of your younger self. Here's your opportunity to run around and get into all the trouble you could hope for!

Or maybe you didn't become a child - maybe someone else did. Did some random kid just run up to you, confused and a little scared, or possibly just obnoxious? It'd be nice of you to help them out. Unless you hate kids, and hey, who can blame you? They're loud and somehow their little hands always seem to be sticky. Still. Make sure they don't run straight into the monsters outside the city, all right?

This is a mini version of our Hope of a Child event this month.]

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A. Love

[ Today is weird. Like, weirder than normal weird. It's like everyone around him has caught some kind of weird flirting virus. Which would be pretty funny except he's been hit on, like, a lot today. It was fine the first few times! Weird, but fine! He just brushed it off, thanked the people, and went off on his merry way.

It's getting out of hand, though. He's running out of polite, non-awkward ways to extract himself from these situations. ]

Hey, uh. You don't have a crush on me or anything, right? I mean if you do, that's cool! Just...I think there might be something weird going on?

[ Nailed it. ]

B. Too Many Children

[ Children are cool. A whole city full of them, though? Not so much. It's kind of dangerous, none of them seem to have parents, and...It's dangerous! His conscious isn't going to let him just let all these little rugrats run around unattended.

So he spends his time chasing them around, trying to get them all somewhere safer than just around. Someone help him. ]

Hey, watch out! I saw a bunch of snake-guys around here the other day--

C. Wildcard

[The boy Magnus is chasing around just laughs and runs away as fast as his tubby little denim-clad legs can take him. Normally, a big man running and yelling after him would be pretty scary - but honestly, this whole week has been full of weird adults and weird kids in this weird, weird place. He's getting used to it by now.

Little Barry Bluejeans is learning to have fun with it all.]

There's no snake-guys! Yer makin' it up!! [Barry laughs brightly, ducking around a corner of a tall, twisted building. Thinking he's hidden, he leans against the wall and pants for breath, adjusting the straps of his jean overalls hooked over his shoulder.

There's no way the huge man can find him here~.]

No, I'm--[ Magnus is a tough guy. A fighter. Full of endurance and the ability to swing heavy objects around. But he's also been chasing a bunch of kids around all day, trying to make sure they don't get hurt, so he's starting to wear down a little.

Magnus spots where teensy bluejeans disappeared to, but takes a second to catch his breath. ]--I'm not making it up! Where are your parents anyway?

[ He says the last part as he sneaks around the corner and tries to scoop Barry up. ]

Wah--!

[Barry yelps as the big man swoops around the corner and reaches for him, his grasp impossible to evade. Now he's just wriggling in Magnus' grasp, kicking his little legs, laughing delightedly. It's a fun game to him!]

I dunno! [The boy giggles.] I haven't seen my mom all week. I-- I think we're on vacation here!

[He fixes a pointed stare at Magnus then, his expression infuriatingly precocious.] Where are your parents, huh mister? If you don't need'em, I don't either!

[ Aww kids are cute. But still, this kid hasn't seen his parents all week? Should he be concerned? He should probably be concerned, like what if something happened? He's not really sure how to go about hunting for some kids parents in a place like this, though.

Magnus tucks Barry under his arm, like he's carrying a barrel of ale. He needs to figure out where this kid belongs. ]

Yeah, but I'm an adult, and you're like...two feet tall. [ A pause. ] You're sure it's been a week since you saw them?

I'm three feet eight! [How dare you.

It's kinda fun being carried around like this, honestly. Especially after a fun chase! Barry still kicks his legs a little, but he's not fighting the man's grasp anymore, just letting himself get carried into the city.]

I think so? [The boy wriggles a little, getting comfortable, trying to think.] Yeah, I think maybe a week. Everyone's here without their parents, though. Like a summer camp! [It's a bad summer camp, but... it's kinda fun anyway.]

We take care of ourselves.

( Ghoul, at first, doesn't realize he's being spoken to. And when he does realize it, he's not entirely sure he's understood the question. He points to his own chest with a very puzzled me? sort of look on his face as he stares at Magnus. Then he turns at the waist, glancing around and behind himself to make sure he is the one being called out here.

Apparently so. When he looks back at Magnus again, he still appears to be confused. Or, more accurately, some weird combination of grumpy-and-confused. ) Who the fuck are you?

( Sooo, no, probably not a crush. Although he's usually up for opening the door when opportunity knocks. ) I mean, it's like whatever. I can, I guess? But it's gonna cost you, I ain't gonna be nobody's armcandy for free, y'know. ( Fun Ghoul: Boyfriend For Hire.

Yikes. )

[ The momentary relief he feels when Ghoul gives him the grumpiest of replies? Yeah, it evaporates pretty quickly. This was not where he expected this to go. At all. Talk about misunderstandings.

Magnus quickly waves his hands and shakes his head to signal a resounding NOPE. ]

Not what I meant! I've just--people have been acting really weird around me today. [ Magnus is a dense dude, but he's not that dense. He knows bad pickup lines and out-of-control crushes when he sees them. ] So I don't need any armcandy, okay? I'm just trying to figure out what's going on. Or if this is happening because of some spell or--prank? Or, you know, a spell that's also a prank.

[ He wouldn't put it past his friends, okay? He loves them, but they're all jerks. ]

[The good part about Taako keeping quiet about any real affections is that a minute is not even close to long enough to get him to say something about it, especially when he's fully aware of god bullshit and how easily it can sway this sort of dumbassery. However, out of everyone he's spoken to today, this? This was not the conversation he wanted to be having. Even a little.

Taako blinks once at Magnus, like he can't find a remark scathing enough to throw in the first five seconds.]

Mags, what the fuck.

[Nailed it.]

[ Thank the heavens above Taako is still...very much, 100% Taako. He was worried he'd end up talking to some kind of lovey-dovey Taakomination. It's then (Yes, just then.) he realizes how weird his initial question was, especially with it coming out of nowhere. Whoops. They're both just nailin it here. ]

No, Taako, it's not what it sounds like! [ Sooo he's not really sure what it sounds like, but it's definitely not that!? ] Hear me out, okay? [ He pauses. For dramatic effect?

Nah, he's just trying to phrase this the best way possible-- ] I think I've become irresistable!

[ That wasn't any better, jfc Mags. ]

[Don't worry Magnus, we're not getting into Taangus territory, Taako has a boyfriend he adores very much thanks. That said, he can't figure out if the appropriate reaction here is laughing, more laughing, or laughing so hard he just loses it on the floor. As it stands, he's picking at least one if the loud chuckles are anything to go by.]

Are you kidding? You? Come on Mags, you really think-- dude. No offence, but you're not that hot.

[Taako, that's still offensive.]

So what, you need some Taako advice for beatin' people off with a stick?

[ Any normal person would probably be offended, but Magnus doesn't really bat an eye at the insult. Looks aren't really something he's super concerned about. He's sure some people would find him, like, ruggedly handsome or whatever, because he is a beefy boy, but he's never really given it too much thought.

He's got bears to train with and people to protect, after all. Plus, he's known Taako long enough to understand there isn't usually ill-intent behind most of his comments. ]

Well, not exactly. [ He shrugs. ] I thought you might know what was going on...or could tell if someone, like, cast a spell on me?

[ He's in no way implying Taako's the one responsible, he just knows way more about magic and stuff than Magnus does. (Though if it turns out that Taako and/or Lup are pranking him...well, he wouldn't be surprised.) ]

[Okay, that's actually a more reasonable question than he was expecting. Unfortunately, not one he's gonna be able to do much about.]

Soo, would totally love to, but rule #1 of this place is no detect magic spells. It's like, uh, entirely lich bullshit magic and everything lights up like you've got your dick in a Candlenights bush.

[He hums a moment like he's trying to come up with an actual answer.]

I mean, I guess I could try to charm you. Cuz if it doesn't work, you, uh, you already got one. And if it does it'll break in an hour, so.

[ He's been having his own strange experiences with people today, some fawning and others passing quickly. There was one very awkward encounter with a breadmaker about an hour ago, but Vax was lucky enough to extract himself quickly once he came to his senses.

He looks over at that question, fully intent on agreeing — ]

Well — would you blame me if I said yes?

[ Look at those arms. That face. Those sideburns. He's a ridiculously handsome man, and Vax can't help wondering if he even knows it. ]

To something weird going on, and to maybe a little bit of a crush. You're very handsome, you know.

[ Ah man, another one. He really is flattered by all the praise and positivity, but man, it's still awkward. Mostly because he's not really quite sure how to respond.

He's never really thought too hard about his looks. He's pretty sure he's alright looking. Like ruff boi handsome. But he's always just...had other things he was more concerned about. Like being the most strong. And doing a protect.

He figures it's probably good that this guy seems aware of the weirdness, though. ]

Oh, uh...thanks? [ What...now. Should he compliment this guy back? Or would that be weird? He's not sure anymore. ] You've got nice hair?

Edited 2018-01-31 05:27 (UTC)

[ Finn is lucky enough to get to cheat the system by already being a kid. Though in fairness, that generally means he is also running around about as much as kids tend to do. Helpful for Magnus? Not especially. The way he has it figured, if a monster shows up, he'll do something cool and punch it and chop its head off, probably. Boom. Other kids, all protected. Very hero. Eat some graham crackers, call it a day.

Even without Jake.

Magnus does grab his attention in this particular moment. ]

Mathematical! Where at? For, uh. Safety purposes.

[ He's 1) a bad liar and 2) absolutely holding a sword. ]

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test drive meme #28

Magnus Burnsides | The Adventure Zone

B! (too good to pass up omfg)

yesssss

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oops an A is happening im sorry

I am laughing so hard rn

shows up like two weeks late with starbucks, love because i'm Awful

The best kind of awful tbh, I'm cacklin

ME TOO

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love, bc who doesn't love a good mango!

Nobody, that's who. Mango's are the best

b.