dankmemes | test drive meme #28

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open January 25th, and apps are open February 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: GOT ANY BREATH MINTS?
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

It looks like this time the Door is going for a little variety. You get to enjoy a couple kinds of chaos serpents, from the video game Hexen.

Chaos serpents are bipedal reptilian creatures with three horns, in two different colors. They can bite, as with most monsters, but the real threat is their breath weapons. The green ones spit powerful fireballs, while the brown ones spit clouds of poisonous gas. If you're lucky, they'll fight each other instead of you - but who ever gets lucky here?]

L O V E

SCENARIO TWO: ONE MINUTE IN HEAVEN
[Remember that first rush of infatuation, when your heart beats fast and your cheeks get red and you feel like you could do anything - anything - to get your crush's attention? Maybe you don't. Maybe you're too level-headed for that. Well, not anymore.

Now, whenever you meet a new person, you feel one solid minute of the most intense crush you've ever had. Their hair! Those eyes! Those incredibly attractive arm muscles! That tinkling laugh! Maybe you're the type to get nervous, maybe you'll swallow seven packets of hot sauce to show how cool you are, maybe you'll just lay down your very best pickup lines. Maybe more than one of the above - there are so many ways to embarrass yourself in 60 seconds!

But then time's up, and your insta-crush is gone, and now you get to deal with the consequences. What did you say? What did you do? That laugh you thought was beautiful and tinkling turns out to be obnoxious and honking. Also, you're pretty sure you just hit on your neighbor. But hey... maybe they actually are pretty hot, and you just made the first move. It's possible!]

C O N F U S I O N

SCENARIO THREE: THE PITTER PATTER OF LITTLE FEET
[There you were, minding your own business, when you suddenly fell into a deep sleep. Not that you remember that - now all you remember is being a child, as your consciousness has taken the form of your younger self. Here's your opportunity to run around and get into all the trouble you could hope for!

Or maybe you didn't become a child - maybe someone else did. Did some random kid just run up to you, confused and a little scared, or possibly just obnoxious? It'd be nice of you to help them out. Unless you hate kids, and hey, who can blame you? They're loud and somehow their little hands always seem to be sticky. Still. Make sure they don't run straight into the monsters outside the city, all right?

This is a mini version of our Hope of a Child event this month.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[What the fuck.

Ephemera stares down at the kid. Surprisingly strong for something so little.

Then he sighs, drops his hand, and side-steps at the same time. Leaving the kid pushing against nothing. Gravity should take care of the rest in a moment.]

Right. Okay then.

[ Sure enough, wham!

Caboose goes tipping forward, the sheer momentum causing him to flip forward, clonk himself sharply on the head, and go tumbling forward. For a moment he just lies there, sprawled, blinking.

Then, belatedly, out of the child comes a noise mimicking an explosion. ]

[Yeah, that was a hard landing. Ephemera winces a little.]

You okay?

Yeah, it's okay. I landed on my head, and it's kinda used to it, so...

[ He rocks into an upright position, shaking his head briefly, obviously a little dazed but seeming no worse for wear. ]

That was an awesome landing! I gotta try it again.

[.....right.]

You probably shouldn't land on your head. Especially here.

[Something might take the opportunity to eat him.]

Is it against the rules?

[ No, he honestly looks like he's trying to figure out what this guy is on about. ]

[Why is this happening? Why? Ephemera groans and jerks his helmet off, in the vague hope that maybe seeing his face with scare the kid into growing some common sense.] No, but you'll get brain damage.

[ Well he's going to be sorely disappointed, because all Caboose does is blink once in slightly awed fascination, before his whole expression lights up. ]

That. Looks. AWESOME. How do you make your eye do that? Can it see more than the other eye? I bet your pillow looks weird in the morning. I mean most of them do but you'd have little marks left behind like on your legs when you take off your socks at night. Do you play piano? I bet you could play piano really good--

[ He will keep this up for some time, if not interrupted. ]

[It does not in fact make the small child less -- himself. Ephemera fights the urge to slam his helmet back on and just make a run for it. Why did he bother stopping? He's not good with kids. No one's ever accused him of that. He doesn't even like kids, really.

Ephemera runs a hand through his hair and does not bolt for the hills. He's an adult. He'll....do the adult thing.

Right.]

It's a prosthetic. It doesn't do anything. Look, just....fuck. Don't crash into things. It's not good.

It's not crashing. It is landing. Very suddenly. With lots of explosions and most of the people on the pelican not getting out.

[ Slowly, he starts picking himself up off the ground. There's a little bit of a goose egg forming under that messy mop of hair, but the kid doesn't appear phased. No more than usual. ]

[Ephemera considers that for a moment. Frowns.]

Yeah, well, you probably shouldn't do that either.

[What the fuck do you say to kids, anyway?]

....right. Okay. You know where you are, kid?

Yup.

[ And he nods firmly. Giving no indication whatsoever that he actually does, naturally.

He still looks pretty confident of the fact. ]

[Oh my god.]

Cool. Pop quiz: where are we?

Wait. I didn't know there was gonna be a quiz. I don't have a number two pencil.

[ Yup. This is what's happening now, Sharkface. This is your life. ]

[He hates his life.]

...what? Never-mind. You get extra credit for improvisation. Now: where are we?

[ Caboose thinks on it for a half-second. ]

Here.

[ ...He's not wrong. ]

[This kid is killing his brain cells.]

Cool. And "here" is....?

Where we are.

[ He rocks back and forth slightly on his heels. ]

[Annoyingly, all of those answers are technically true. Ephemera counts to ten. Takes a breath, then lets it out. ]

Right. Okay. Just don't crash into people, yeah? And stay out of the caves.

test drive meme #28

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