dankmemes | test drive meme #17

Entry tags:

!test drive

test drive meme #17

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open February 22nd, and apps are open March 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: SHOOTING HOOPS
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

There you are, calmly exploring this super cool cave city, when all of a sudden you see something roll toward you. What could that possibly be? Why, it seems the Door has brought in some hoop snakes, which are definitely real.

Hoop snakes are poisonous and aggressive reptiles, able to pursue fleeing prey by grasping their tail in their jaws and rolling after them like a wheel. Wow, so efficient! Hard to get away from, though, and kind of... terrifying? If you want to get away, you better be a fast runner. Or maybe you should climb something. Good luck!]

S O R R O W

SCENARIO TWO: YOU GOT THE BLUES
[You woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed. Not the angry side - the sad side. Somehow, everything just seems to be going wrong, and you don't know why. You were out of milk for your cereal, the fruit you picked just yesterday is already going bad, and instead of getting frustrated all you want to do is feel sorry for yourself.

Even the good things aren't going too well. Maybe your friend just told you your hair looks nice today - doesn't that mean it looks bad the rest of the time? Probably. They've just been too nice to tell you. And your crush smiled at you - that probably means they know about your feelings and are getting ready to let you down easy. That's the only explanation.

No matter what happens, your mind is giving you the worst, most depressing interpretation. You can try to fight it and be aggressively upbeat - or maybe you just want to cry on somebody's shoulder. Yeah. That sounds good right about now.]

D E L I G H T

SCENARIO THREE: PUCKER UP
[For once, Hadriel looks rather lovely, all covered in snow and seasonal! Sure, it's not quite the right season anymore, but who really knows what month it is? Not the residents, and certainly not the gods. But for whatever reason, Delight has decided there should be snow on the ground and ugly sweaters in the shops.

And, of course, mistletoe. On your wanderings around the city, you may find yourself under the mistletoe with a friend or a stranger or even an enemy. Regardless of who they are and how you really feel about them, the mistletoe will give you a gentle compulsion to plant a kiss right on those appealing lips of theirs. You can resist if you want - it won't force you - but don't you kind of want to go for it?

This is a mini version of our Kissmas event this month!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Maybe. And call it business, it's polite. [Domination... Maybe a little domination, but people get antsy about that sometimes.

Anyway, look at those...] I know you're from the sticks, Frye, but isn't this getting too literal?

I'd answer that if I knew what you were saying, Ned. Speak English. [Jacob furrowed his brows, like he always did when something was just too American for him.] I don't see anything else, unless you'd like to sleep among ugly sweaters.

[Ned just gives him the same look he gives him every time something is Too American for him. Get past it, Jacob.] You don't know what a stick is?

[That's it, that's all he's giving up. Talk to more Americans. He doesn't answer the sweater suggestion, instead just shaking his head and gesturing for Jacob to lead on. Yes, take them to the big twigs, great.]

I know what a stick is, but I didn't live in them. Do you really think I'm some sort of caveman? [Jacob is dumb and blind; he doesn't see his point. He shakes his head, adjusting his hat and making his way to the spires with a record of only two glances back at Ned.

Honestly, he surprised and disappointed to find they weren't in a state of disrepair on the inside. He so wanted to see him have to do some work. But the stairs...] You gonna be able to handle all that exercise, Wynert?

[Christ, does he need to equip Jacob with a "How To Talk To Americans" leaflet or something? This is dumb. He scoffs, choosing not to answer that caveman question in favor of casting a critical gaze at literally everything about the spires. Why are they so big and pointy? Why are they fucking round on the inside? Is any of this real?

Jesus.] You gonna offer to carry me up, next? I'll pass.

I could. Easily. [Jacob says so quickly, like he'd already had the thought. But never mind that now. He crosses his arms, tilting his head back to stare at stairs that only winded up.]

I don't know if you remember what it's like, Wynert, but I don't really think we can afford to be picky.

[Ned scoffs again, he knew it. Stop trying to do things for him, it's going to get suffocating before long.

God that is a lot of stairs. Sigh.]

I remember. [please, of course he remembers being hella poor, and he remembers that Jacob wasn't even there!!] Well, let's see what the finest lodgings this city has to offer are like on the inside.

[Stairmaster time, let's go. He won't need Jacob's coat by the time they actually reach some apartments, so bear with him as he stops to fiddle with buttons.]

[Jacob had been waiting to follow after Ned, as per usual, so he stops when Ned stops. It's a good thing he'd behind him: his disappointed look would provoke endless shaming. Still, he'll try to be smart,] Yes, any day now, Wynert.

[He pulls the coat off Ned's shoulders for him, mostly because the thing is ridiculously heavy with all his murder tools. Not because he's helping Ned again or anything.] I'm sure the single beds are up higher. If only we could use my hook...

Feel free to go on ahead. [Please don't actually abandon him here to play hooky, but he's not going anywhere via hook and rope, either. He lets Jacob take his coat back without any complaints.]

The higher up, the less willing someone'll be to come all the way and shoot us, so come on.

[Let's keep going... See, he only has Jacobs best interest at heart, as simple as it would be to stop here and just deal with a double bed apartment. His privacy trumps his desire to stop climbing all these stairs.]

Planning on making enemies? You know, people would normally prepare to invite friends over. [Jacob doesn't actually mind climbing all these stairs. He does twice the exercise daily, so he's only sticking close to Ned for the company.

Not that he's overly-fond of it, or anything. He's an associate. But when they reach a floor of one-bedrooms, his attention wanes.] A little homelier than expected, for a... tower.

[Invite friends over... that is funny. Ned only entertains in public, thanks.]

Well, trouble seems to find me whether I'm looking for it or not. [Like Jacob, for example, ohhh. Now, let's casually walk into an apartment, surely they have some kind of indicator of whether or not someone lives there... time to go inside.

What is this round room nonsense.] This is a crime against architecture.

What are you talking about? This is magnificent. [Of course, Trouble has terrible taste in more than just clothes. He steps into the room with a grin, more or less because he knows Ned's going to be disgusted.]

It has a... [Stovetop. But it's far too updated for Jacob to name it.] ... counter. Already up to my standards.

[Seriously, what is that thing?? Here's Ned to join Jacob in staring at it, perplexed. It might be a stove? If a stove were a toy?

What is this apartment?? He has a new criticism, anyway,] I don't like the look of the walls.

I'm sure you'll be able to cover them with wanted posters soon enough. I hope they get my good side. [All his sides are good sides. He wants posters from every angle.

He is going to investigate this stove, though. He turns a stove knob, and like a true genius, touches the top. Behold, Jacob Frye, pulling back a burned finger like a genius.] Well-- This is the kitchen!

[That is a little weird, Jacob. Ned is about to sass this comment before Jacob touches the stove?? Apparently it's a stove—at least Ned looks concerned first instead of laughing at his misfortune.]

Are you gonna get yourself killed the second I turn my back on you, Frye? [like, jesus] Why don't you keep your hands to yourself for ten minutes?

My hands are great at doing things, so. [So. Yeah. Shut up, Ned, he's going to go touch the sink for... scalding hot water on that finger. The appliances were questionable after all.] For fuck's--

[He'll tuck his hands under his arms, now, shut up,] I think you can cook.

[my hands are great at doing things. master assassin, ladies and gentlemen.]

I— [Fuck, is he really responsible for making sure Jacob doesn't die? Is this what it's like to be Evie Frye, because Ned would like a refund. He half-turns away, raising a hand to press against his temple and just... sigh. Goddamn it, Jacob.]

Someone needs to open a pub around here so I'm not responsible for making sure you don't starve. [is this real??] I'm no five-star chef, but... [He sort of. Gestures. He'll make Jacob some food, he guesses.]

Or you can drink your sorrows away. [Even burned twice, Jacob still has the cheekiest grin. He's set on making light of this situation somehow, but it just turns out it won't be the kitchen. Maybe the... laundry room.

He doesn't know what to do with it when he opens that, either.] What do you suppose these machines are for?

[Ned gives Jacob a look, like honestly that doesn't sound like a bad idea already, if he has to live in this weird round apartment with mysterious objects everywhere. Once again he follows Jacob over to see the... machines. Whatever they are.

Before he can stop himself after Jacob's episode with the stove, he says,] Why don't you climb in and find out?

[Which has him reaching out to put a hand on Jacob's arm a moment later, when he remembers he's dealing with a very suggestible loser.] Don't actually do that.

Oh, because I was so tempted to. [Jacob rolls his eyes, as if the notion were ridiculous and that was definitely not the plan. It might have been. He'll never tell.

He glances between Ned's face and his hand, quirking a brow before he steps out of it to go push a button. More water...] It's nice to know you do care, Neddy.

[Oh it was so the plan, Jacob can't fool him. He's known him long enough—and he hasn't even known him that long, so it's extra telling. He's not fooled.

And—shit, don't accuse him of caring. The answer is on the tip of his tongue before he even thinks all of it: Of course he cares, Jacob is a useful pair of hands when he needs someone's cargo lifted or face messed up. But that't not everything, and even thinking it feels shallow and dishonest.

So naturally he pulls his hand back to himself, crossing his arms tightly and frowning at the machine spitting water now. What is it doing? It has a better handle on the situation than Ned, which is embarrassing.]

I forget— Is this supposed to be your apartment or mine? [don't TOUCH everything...]

[Jacob doesn't actually expect an answer from Ned in that regard. He doesn't even think he'd have one other than a denial. Care? About Jacob? Laughable.]

I'm testing the waters for you, clearly. [Jacob says offhandedly, more attention on the other machine. This one doesn't spit water, and it's just as baffling.] I'll have a box outside, remember? Guarding your door.

[don't u get secret sad on him u fuck]

Don't crowd me, Frye. [This he says as he once again shuffles along at a safe-but-still-close distance to watch Jacob playing with all these mystery machines. If he blows something up or figures out what these things are, Ned wants to know... that's all.] The neighbors'll talk if you're skulking in the entryway all the time.

[There is another apartment... right next to this one. Come on, big guy, get the hint.]

Well, I suppose I could move my box. [Give him a minute. Jacob's so busy trying to figure out why this thing has stopped filling with water. It's... spinning? This is too modern for him to understand.]

...Put it in a place next door. [He's got it, he's smiling, shut up.] Neighbors can't complain if I am one.

[Holy shit, what is it doing?? Ned's distracted by this new development, but not too much to chuckle and relax his posture a little bit. He's not touching any more arms today, but he looks a little less like he's waiting for someone to pop out around a corner and shoot him. All while he smiles at a mystery machine, don't speak.]

That'll work. Just make sure you, uh— [no, fuck this sassy comment, he has to know,] Alright, what the hell is this thing doing?

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