dankmemes | test drive meme #20

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!test drive

test drive meme #20

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open May 25th, and apps are open June 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: BURN BABY BURN
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

Or that... bonfire behind you? That's sure what it looks like, but if you get a little closer - which you probably shouldn't - you'll see a face in those flames This time, the Door has brought in some Doomers, from the Baten Kaitos video game.

Doomers are creatures made of flame that sure would like it if you were on fire too. It works for them, right? What do you mean you don't want to be engulfed in flames? These Doomers will send clouds of sparks in the direction of anyone that might be a threat (or anyone they don't like), searing them with the heat and trying to catch them on fire. Hot damn!]

SCENARIO TWO: IT'S JUST A CAT
[Why does it always have to be like this? There you were, going about your day, when you turned a corner and something jumped out at you. Maybe a monster with sharp teeth and claws, maybe a snake striking at your feet, maybe just a terrifying dark shape - whatever it was, it scared the shit out of you.

And then it disappeared in a puff of brightly-colored smoke and glitter, because that's just how Hadriel rolls. Awesome. And maybe if it just happened once it would be a big deal, but it's happening all the time. Practically every other corner you turn, half the doors you open, even just when you look over your shoulder. Careful about getting too jumpy, though - what are you gonna do if your friend taps you on the shoulder and you freak out? How embarrassing.

This is a mini version of our Jumpscares event this month!]

H O P E

SCENARIO THREE: I LIKE YOUR HAIR
[Everything seems normal today. No monsters, no weird shapes jumping out at you. Maybe it'll just be a normal day. Maybe it'll even be nice. No - it'll definitely be nice.

How can we be sure of that? Easy! Every time you touch someone today - whether it's an accidental bump or an intentional touch - you'll blurt out a genuine compliment. If you don't know them well, it could be something as simple as saying they look nice today, or that their eyes are a lovely shade of green. If you do know them, it'll be more specific. Maybe you're impressed by their work ethic, or you love the sound of their singing voice. Maybe you actually hate them but you really appreciate the way they always remember to put the toilet seat down (because that's the only good thing about them).

Whatever it is, you'll find yourself saying it out loud. Don't worry - nothing too personal will be blurted out, and you can stop yourself if you really want to. But isn't it great to be nice to people for once?]

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[ Aha. Kinda took the fun right out of this exercise to jump a corner and only find Taako. Not that it's not good to know he hasn't been suffocated beneath a melty floor, or something. Definitive proof and all that. Merle immediately becomes more ornery. After he dared to potentially maybe worry about this little shit and everything.

This is clearly! Taako's fault somehow. He doesn't know exactly how. But he would like for it to be because it would make things simpler, so he'll ignore anything he's legitimately learned and forgotten to make it that way. ]

I should be asking you that question! I get sucked into a hallway with a wizard- that's you- and okay, standard trap. Then I turn up next to a fire monster while you're apparently all the way out here the whole time!

[Oh great, just because Taako wasn't the welcome wagon now it's his fault. Uuuuugh. He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, at least removing the umbrella from Merle's sphere for the time being.]

Okay, pause, because one, what part of 'Taako's good out here?' didn't stick like, a year ago? And two, that was a month ago, Merle. Time's all fucked up. Mag and I have been looking for you. Jeez.

[Okay so mostly Magnus but also him!!! A little. At least once.]

You can't be good out anywhere when something teleports you in! Nooo, it doesn't hold water, Taako.

[ He crosses his arms. Nobody here relieved to know that their friends aren't dead or whatever it is that nerds like Angus might do. Nah. ]

How do we wind up somewhere where time's messed up again? You were right next to me! It was a couple of hours ago! I think. Give or take a few minutes.

[ BAD THINGS DON'T HAPPEN TO THIS GROUP "SEPARATELY". What even is that noise. ]

I didn't want it to do that either, dipshit!

[They're best friends, don't you know. He takes a steadying breath to try and put together everything that's Happened so far, and then gets back to it.]

Listen. A month ago, I woke up here after going through the floor outside Lucretia's office. Magnus was here from about the same time, except he just appeared. We looked all over for you. Nothing. And now, uh, you're here. The... the thing, the magic that traps people, it doesn't give a shit about time, it just does it's bullshit and you're here. So it just, didn't take you then, because this place couldn't handle tres horny boys at full speed.

[WELL IT DID, THIS TIME, AND IT SUCKED, OKAY]

[ And they're the two best friends that anybody could have.

But on the other hand, after giving Taako a firm and critical staredown, nothing about him is screaming "telling a shitty lie to try to placate and not have to deal with a grumpy old guy cleric". That counts for something, however much it may be. They got here first, they probably would have actually bothered looking for him since Taako was next to him last he checked. No dice, obviously, and... probably no real reason to lie about it anyway, if Merle's honest with himself.

Let's be real, he's too shitty at taking things with gravity to stay amped up about this one forever. It's basically been a whole episode's worth of dumb fire monsters and jump scares since he showed up. ]

Well, I guess that's that. Hard to blame something for not wanting to take us full-throttle if it knows who we are already. [ Merle Highchurch: it's literally that easy sometimes. ] Now, I don't suppose there's a quick way outta here that has a vault attached? Doesn't have to be fancy! Just, uh. Worth our while. Pain and suffering, you know.

[Taako looks back just as intently, in the staredown of the century, because He Will Not Be Outdone Old Man. But Merle relents, and he tries to muffle the sigh of relief. He doesn't have the time to deal with wrestling Merle and this city.]

Honestly do you think we'd still be here if there was, like, an easy way out? I seriously thought this might be, uh, some weird lich trap again, but I think the gods here are, uh, actually gods, and it's fucky as hell.

[There's a lot to unpack, tbh.]

Has anyone, uh, filled you in on everything yet? Did you find Magnus? I assume so, or whatever.

Sure, sure. I mean. Kinda had to ask.

[ Okay wow sure Pan won't answer his calls but there are gods falling out of everyone's pockets here, possibly. Fucky as hell is accurate.

Still. It's something to remember later. Real gods hanging around. Merle's not a huge idea man, and he's definitely got to take some time on even making big calls like that, but he's an opportunist too. ]

And yeah, I found him. You know, maybe it's just that it's been a while since I saw him outside of a mannequin [ it's been like a day stop ], but the out of the pod look really takes ten years off of him. Or does it put ten years back on?

[Taako lets out an undignified snort.]

I know, right? Like, we get all these consequences and here he is. If it makes you feel any better I had to save him from getting his dick eaten off by a monster when we showed up, so I think he's paid for it.

[Even if Taako's still mad he lost the fuckin' sword. Like. Damnit, Magnus, he leant you that, he wants it back.]

But yeah we're at least a little bit fucked. Kinda thought you died or something when we showed up here without you though, so at least we have an answer on that.

[He won't admit to missing Merle you can't make him shut up]

... that does make me feel a little better.

[ You always know what petty and overly casual thing to say about any situation, Taako. ]

I see how it is, though. First thing you think is that old Merle's gone and bit the dust. And here I just came in wondering if that hallway dumped us into some kind of separate puzzles. Alllll that faith that you'd be fine facing down your own challenge.

[ This trash man will treasure the memory of this moment, the time that Taako almost sounded like he might have at one point long ago maybe considered thinking about being concerned for or missing Merle. Actually yeah, he probably will kind of treasure it, it's nice. ]

[Look, Taako knows Merle would have loved to see Magnus floundering around fuckin dick akimbo out there. It was hilarious.]

I mean, fifty-fifty toss-up that you died or like, got stolen by Pan or something. There's gods or whatever here? We thought maybe he vouched for you or whatever and Istus just decided we were too much trouble. Not that you've, uh, had a great connection to him or whatever, but you'd have shown up eventually. Can't uh, can't get shit done without our not-healer.

[Can't break up the squad. They're squad!! Like, as far as being #squad. THB ride together die together get sucked into another dimension together. That's how that goes, of course.]

[ There's basically no other way for them to operate. Tale as old as time, dinguses as old as rhyme. ]

Yeah, sometimes you try to hop into a magic trap or a different plane and a god has to stick you in a special-- astral quarantine, that you don't remember later. Maybe I had a four-ounce bottle of somethin' instead of a three-ounce.

[ It's kind of interesting to know there are gods "or whatever" here, though. Maybe they've got Pan on speed dial or know where he keeps his spare key to check in. The longer this disconnect goes, the more Merle starts to think he'd even accept "yeah bro Pan says you're Blocked" as an answer for why it's happening. At least he'd know. ]

I never knew you could sound like you had that kind of work ethic, though! Good for you! Not that I knew we had any specific shit to get done here either.

[He says specifically 'or whatever' because Magnus spoke to a couple and they admitted to being "powerful magical beings", so the jury's out on if they're actually gods. But they can bring people back to life and Kravitz hasn't showed up to lose his shit yet, which is a blessing and a curse, because where are they if the Raven Queen can't find them?]

Maybe he just had you in a little Merle jar. Made you dance and recite sermons 'n stuff. What else do gods have to do?

[That would be like, the whole point of having followers, right? Regardless, he shrugs.]

I mean, don't get me wrong, there wasn't a lot to be doing, so, it was easy as hell to not do shit. Now I guess we don't have an excuse, but I'm sure we'll, uh, we'll find one to keep not doing things.

[ Merle makes the standard "iunno" noise. God stuff, probably. He's never specifically asked and the suggestions box isn't exactly open at current.

Pan's always been the cool god, though. ]

Just 'cause we're here, it doesn't mean doing anything's gotta be our business. [ No need to get away from themselves, right? ] We can take it case by case until money's a problem. Is money a problem?

[Taako's, like, probably supposed to know about god stuff? He's met at least one god, but then again, so has everybody. He's comfortable letting Merle be the point guy for that one, as it stands.]

Nah, I mean, money's not a problem because nothing costs anything. Like, we're not paid, but there's nowhere to fuckin' spend it so there's pretty much no point to having it. I think some of them will give you stuff for doing things for them though so, eh, but it doesn't even come with the benefit of making Leon cry so there's no actual reason.

[Seriously, when one of those so-called gods will grovel and give him candies, he'd be way more into it.]

Haven't really needed stuff though. Except all the food is canned. Which sucks.

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test drive meme #20

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