dankmemes | Test Drive Meme #22

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!test drive

Test Drive Meme #22

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open July 25th, and apps are open August 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: THE WRONG KIND OF SCARY
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

There's an odd shuffling to your right and to your left. Do you know what that is? Maybe not, but at least nobody else does either. You might peek at an eye stalk or a stinger, you might catch a glimpse of something that can maybe pass for fingers... or maybe it just has a mouth on its butt because its creator was feeling particularly sadistic that day. That's right, you're looking at the creatures from Spore, EA's infamous alien creation game with the most awkward alien creator imaginable.

These particular Spore creatures are the carnivorous kind, the kind who seek out and eat other creatures so that they can instantly procreate to pass on their victim's genetic code and make their species even more wild. You might not want to stick around and watch the mating process. I promise it's just as weird as you think.]

T R A N Q U I L I T Y / C O N F U S I O N

SCENARIO TWO: STEPFORD SUNDAY
[You wake up one lovely weekend morning to the sounds of birds chirping outside and sun streaming through your window. What a wonderful day to be perfectly normal and happy in the suburbs! Your family is all around you, like a Norman Rockwell painting, happy to go about their average day in their average life in their average city.

So what if your sister is an archdemon? Or your father is somehow a dragon? It's just the way that things have always been... isn't it?

The perceptive of you may begin to see cracks in the veneer, may begin to wonder why everything seems to be so perfect... and as the truth begins to unfold, it paints a much darker picture than the one you're seeing. Are you sure you don't want to stay, just a little while longer?

This is a mini version of our Stepford Summer event this month!]

R A G E / D E L I G H T

SCENARIO THREE: CAKE WARS
[There are plenty of ways in this world to rouse your competitive spirit. Many of them involve athletics- few involve such beautiful edible artistry as this.

That's right, you're in a cake baking competition, and no matter how competitive you normally are, thanks to Rage's influence, you want to win. Competitors can be in teams of two or alone, and they have until morning to bake their cakes to the fullest and bring it to Delight's temple for judging.

So what kind of cake baker are you? Do you revel in your artistry? Do you measure everything and carefully prepare each icing tip? Or do you know that you suck at cooking and decide to use the opportunity to sabotage your opponent's cake instead? Nothing is off limits, and all's fair in cake and war, after all!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

1. the wrong kind of scary

[Harlan isn't sure why these stupid monsters are so fucking horrifying. He's fought way meaner creatures back home. Like, what about that displacer beast? Or the manticores? These things aren't shit by comparison, and yet he can't shake the feeling that he's in some real trouble here. Maybe it's that these things are just edging on funny. They're pretty goofy if you're squinting and not standing within range of their... are those claws? What even is that? He doesn't fucking know. God.

He's got a kitten in his pocket, though, so he can't afford to find out. He backs toward the door, not about to take his eyes off of these nasties. John Frusciante mews from inside his jacket, and he reaches a hand into his pocket to hold her in place--he doesn't need her pulling a Houdini right now.]

What the fuck are these things? [This other weirdo should know, right?] You think they're hostile?

2. stepford sunday

[It's nice out today--or, Harlan's version of nice, anyway. It's overcast and a little chilly, but he prefers jacket weather so this works just fine for him. He's at the park with his daughter, alternating between dicking around on his phone and watching her bore a group of kids on the jungle gym with Star Trek trivia. He raised her well.

Daughter. Eventually, Harlan will remember he doesn't actually have one of those. This is just one of the kids he and his crew saved on their last job.

For now, what crew? He's a private investigator, and he's taking a day off to hang out at the park with his kid. He's happy.

He looks up as someone comes to join him on his bench.]

Hey there. Which one's yours?

3. cake wars

[Baking requires a special alchemy of patience and direction-following that Harlan is incapable of. He's super gonna lose, and he hates losing, even without Rage's influence.

But, fortunately for him, he has magic and can fuck with the other contestants accordingly... which is definitely not why he's sidling up to the nearest competitor. He's just seeing what you're up to, pal. It's all good.]

Hey. [He leans against the table to peer over the workstation. Is he in your way? Bummer.] What's going on over here?

[Michael is walking his dog, and he's confused when Harlan asks him which one is his. This one? The one on the end of the leash he's holding? Duh. But, oh, wait, he means the kids playing over there.]

Uh, none of them. Just... just the dog. [Shit, now what? Quick, think of polite small talk!] Which one's yours? [The sentence hitches up at the end a little too much, like he's questioning his own question.]

[Oh. In retrospect, that should've been obvious. How did he miss the dog?]

Cute. [He glances at the dog, but then back to Julie. Right where he left her. He points.] The girl over there, the one schooling all those other chumps. [Because fuck everyone else's kids except his own.

It's weird, though. She's a halfling and he's a human. How did that happen? He can't remember.]

[Michael follows Harlan's gaze. The girl doesn't quite look human, but that's fine, right? Maybe this guy has a wife who isn't. Or maybe she's adopted.]

Schooling them in what?

[She looks just like him Michael what are you talking about.]

Star Trek. [Which is why the other kids look super bored. Harlan glances back at Michael and his dog.]

What's his name?

[Oh. Michael would be bored too, probably, but he's not gonna say that. He looks down at the dog, which has started to sniff at Harlan's legs.]

He... doesn't really have one.

[Huh. He's never thought about it before.]

[YOU'D BETTER NOT SAY SHIT, YA PUNK. THEM'S FIGHTIN' WORDS.

But he makes a face.]

How does your dog not have a name? [He reaches down to pet him anyway. Poor guy definitely needs some love if he's gone nameless all this time.]

[The dog gives a little warning growl, but ultimately lets Harlan touch it.]

Uh... sorry, he's not usually like that. [Michael doesn't think so, anyway.] And plenty of people don't name their pets. [Right?]

[Harlan frowns at the dog. No wonder Michael didn't name it. It's kind of a dick. He ruffles his hand through its fur and then backs off.]

I've never met anyone who didn't name their pet. Unless they were planning to eat it or something. It'd be like not naming a kid.

What? I'm not gonna eat him. [Is that racist? Michael isn't sure, but probably not.] He just... doesn't have a name.

[He glances back at the dog again.]

You think I should give him one?

[This... is a weird conversation. But Julie's still torturing other kids on the playground, so he has some time to kill.]

Yeah, of course you should. It'll, like... [He thinks for a moment. How does he put this?] It'll make him your dog instead of just any old dog, you get me?

[Yurick, on the other hand, is a highly paid personal tutor. He takes pride in teaching children on a regular basis and helping them reach their full potential. It's the epitome of rewarding work for him. It's never too early to help a developing mind.

Sometimes he visits the park, or even the orphanage, to observe the children and help out as needed. He's always had a soft spot for children. And with a book of a personal interest, he's going to nestle himself on a bench and finds an empty slot next to the other man. Although, surprisingly, the other man turns out to be more social than he is. At the question, he glances over the children in the playground.]

Most of them, I suppose.

[In the sense that he helps most of them with their studies. He doesn't have any children of his own.]

Any one in particular yours? [He doesn't remember helping this man's child, so he might as well ask.]

[Sorry, bud, Harlan is not deterred by the "I'm reading so don't talk to me" move. Books are for nerds, anyway. Put it down and talk to him, especially after that weird answer to his question.]

Most of 'em?

[Whatever. His kid is better. Quality over quantity. He points to Julie, who is following around a kid that tried to blow her off mid-explanation of some Star Trek episode.]

She's eleven. [Harlan wonders briefly if eleven-year-olds are too old for playgrounds. Probably not, right? Anyway, Julie's enjoying herself, so it doesn't matter.]

Yes, most of them. I tutor many of them on a weekly basis. Like that one... [He indicates with his book to a child all of seven years old with blonde hair and brown eyes.] That's Jillian. When her parents hired me, she was struggling with history. But, since I've gotten to work with her, she makes nothing but straight A's. And that one... [A ten year old boy with red hair, littered in freckles.] Is Reed. He was practically diagnosed with an attention disorder. His parents requested my assistance before wanting to try the medications available. He now makes at least B's acrost the board and is gradually slipping into A's.

I could go on, but I don't suppose you would really want me to continue. I can name about eighty percent of the children on this playground.

[At the indication, Yurick observes Julie for a moment.]

Hmm, she has a particular confidence about herself, doesn't she? [Certainly not a bad thing.]

[Harlan wrinkles his nose as he follows this guy's gaze around the park. This definitely feels like a competition now. His kid is the best kid, and that should be obvious. She doesn't need a tutor.]

Cool. That's, uh, a lot of kids. So, what, you tutor them in everything?

[As for Julie, thanks for noticing how cool and confident she is. She takes after her dad. Probably. Harlan's never met the guy.

Wait, what? He frowns momentarily. He's her dad. What is he thinking?]

She is, yeah. She's smart. Your kids don't give a shit about Star Trek, apparently, but she's crazy about it. She picked it up on her own, too. It was one of the things we first bonded over.

[Which, again, sounds weird. Why would he have to bond with his own kid? In that way, anyway. But it's true. He remembers how excited he was when he overheard her talking about it the first time, just not... when, or where. It had to have been when she was younger, but he can't remember her being younger, either. Huh.]

Just about. Through varying age groups. Although I would have to say I prefer teaching them magic.

[Magic? What fantasy book did you read, Yurick? Come back to the real world.]

Err... excuse that. It must have been a vivid dream last night.

[Wait...]

What's Star Trek? [He's familiar with many subjects, but that's one he hasn't heard of.] Is it some form of space travel? Or perhaps astral projection?

[He's not even trying to sound like a nerd, Harlan. He genuinely has no idea what you're talking about.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Test Drive Meme #22

Harlan Halliday | Original | will match format!

stepford sunday!

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