dankmemes | Test Drive Meme #22

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open July 25th, and apps are open August 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: THE WRONG KIND OF SCARY
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

There's an odd shuffling to your right and to your left. Do you know what that is? Maybe not, but at least nobody else does either. You might peek at an eye stalk or a stinger, you might catch a glimpse of something that can maybe pass for fingers... or maybe it just has a mouth on its butt because its creator was feeling particularly sadistic that day. That's right, you're looking at the creatures from Spore, EA's infamous alien creation game with the most awkward alien creator imaginable.

These particular Spore creatures are the carnivorous kind, the kind who seek out and eat other creatures so that they can instantly procreate to pass on their victim's genetic code and make their species even more wild. You might not want to stick around and watch the mating process. I promise it's just as weird as you think.]

T R A N Q U I L I T Y / C O N F U S I O N

SCENARIO TWO: STEPFORD SUNDAY
[You wake up one lovely weekend morning to the sounds of birds chirping outside and sun streaming through your window. What a wonderful day to be perfectly normal and happy in the suburbs! Your family is all around you, like a Norman Rockwell painting, happy to go about their average day in their average life in their average city.

So what if your sister is an archdemon? Or your father is somehow a dragon? It's just the way that things have always been... isn't it?

The perceptive of you may begin to see cracks in the veneer, may begin to wonder why everything seems to be so perfect... and as the truth begins to unfold, it paints a much darker picture than the one you're seeing. Are you sure you don't want to stay, just a little while longer?

This is a mini version of our Stepford Summer event this month!]

R A G E / D E L I G H T

SCENARIO THREE: CAKE WARS
[There are plenty of ways in this world to rouse your competitive spirit. Many of them involve athletics- few involve such beautiful edible artistry as this.

That's right, you're in a cake baking competition, and no matter how competitive you normally are, thanks to Rage's influence, you want to win. Competitors can be in teams of two or alone, and they have until morning to bake their cakes to the fullest and bring it to Delight's temple for judging.

So what kind of cake baker are you? Do you revel in your artistry? Do you measure everything and carefully prepare each icing tip? Or do you know that you suck at cooking and decide to use the opportunity to sabotage your opponent's cake instead? Nothing is off limits, and all's fair in cake and war, after all!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Says the guy who was just asking the com--shit.

[Yep, the chocolate is definitely burning. Who the fuck knew you could burn chocolate? He yanks the pot off the heat and dumps the molten chocolate into a nearby bowl. Well... Smokey is a flavor, isn't it?]

This is the shit you put on top. My cake's already in the oven.

[Noob.]

[He knew that. He totally knew that.]

That's not how you make icing, either. That'll just harden and make it impossible to eat.

[Harlan scoffs.]

I didn't say it was icing. It's chocolate, dumbass. Do they not have that where you're from?

[Clearly Michael is the sole dumbass in this equation.]

[This guy is annoying as hell, but him being annoying makes it easier for Michael to get pissed instead of awkward.]

So what, you're just going to dump chocolate on top of a cake?

[That's not a thing that people do, Harlan!!! Probably.]

[IT'S A THING PEOPLE DO NOW. HE'S TREADING NEW BAKING GROUND. A gold medal is in his future for sure.]

Yeah. But, like, artfully. [He has a frosting knife and everything.] At least I have a cake to put shit on. Where's yours, Guy Fieri?

[Does Guy Fieri bake cakes?? He can't remember.]

[Well fine then!!! Michael shuffles back to his station and rips open the bag of flour. Three cups sounds... like a measurement he has heard before, so he dumps that much into a bowl.]

I'm... taking my time on it. [He reaches for the sugar.]

Also? Guy Fieri doesn't make cakes.

[Taking his time. Yeah, right. At least Harlan's gonna beat this dude, no problem.]

You don't know that. He's a food guy. He's definitely baked at least one cake.

[Michael puts in some sugar and some eggs, and eyes the lemon suspiciously. He puts it back down and puts a little bit of the vanilla in instead.]

What, have you seen him do it? Doesn't he do like, pizza and burgers or whatever?

[Meanwhile, Harlan pulls his cake out of the oven. It... is probably done? It looks done. How do you know when a cake is done? He sets it on the counter, not sure what to do now but looking very confident about his efforts nonetheless.]

I think he just eats that shit. He's the guy that does like food challenges. [Which 100% means he has encountered a cake at some point in his dining driving and diving exploits.]

[Michael is too busy stirring his concoction to reply for a second. Why does this require so much arm strength? Wait, that's a bad sign, isn't it?]

Okay, but eating a cake isn't the same as baking one.

[If it was, Michael would be doing way better at this. He puts the bowl down, glances at the lemon again, thinks "fuck it", cuts it in two, and squeezes some juice in there. He gives it one last stir and then puts it in a pan before shoving it in the oven.]

[Harlan scoffs.] He's on fucking Food Network. You think the man's got a Food Network show and hasn't baked a cake before? Come on.

[So... He's probably gotta get this thing out of the pan. That's a good first step. He flips it over onto a plate, but nothing happens. It's stuck. Well, shit. He fishes a knife out of a drawer and starts poking around the sides, trying to get the thing unstuck.]

[Michael eyes Harlan's hasty attempt at what looks like cake dissection.]

Is that a cake or a cadaver? [He instantly regrets everything.] That... does not work as well in a cake baking contest.

[Harlan pauses and looks up at his greatest rival, squinting. He doesn't really get the joke, if you can call that a joke..]

What?

Nothing. [He says that maybe too quickly.] Just, you're cutting up. You know, like- [Like a dead body??? He can't just say that.] Like you're dissecting it.

Oh. [The squinting doesn't let up, though. That's still a weird pull.] Could've said frog.

[He pauses.] Either way, that's a bad joke.

Test Drive Meme #22

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