dankmemes | Test Drive Meme #22

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open July 25th, and apps are open August 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: THE WRONG KIND OF SCARY
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

There's an odd shuffling to your right and to your left. Do you know what that is? Maybe not, but at least nobody else does either. You might peek at an eye stalk or a stinger, you might catch a glimpse of something that can maybe pass for fingers... or maybe it just has a mouth on its butt because its creator was feeling particularly sadistic that day. That's right, you're looking at the creatures from Spore, EA's infamous alien creation game with the most awkward alien creator imaginable.

These particular Spore creatures are the carnivorous kind, the kind who seek out and eat other creatures so that they can instantly procreate to pass on their victim's genetic code and make their species even more wild. You might not want to stick around and watch the mating process. I promise it's just as weird as you think.]

T R A N Q U I L I T Y / C O N F U S I O N

SCENARIO TWO: STEPFORD SUNDAY
[You wake up one lovely weekend morning to the sounds of birds chirping outside and sun streaming through your window. What a wonderful day to be perfectly normal and happy in the suburbs! Your family is all around you, like a Norman Rockwell painting, happy to go about their average day in their average life in their average city.

So what if your sister is an archdemon? Or your father is somehow a dragon? It's just the way that things have always been... isn't it?

The perceptive of you may begin to see cracks in the veneer, may begin to wonder why everything seems to be so perfect... and as the truth begins to unfold, it paints a much darker picture than the one you're seeing. Are you sure you don't want to stay, just a little while longer?

This is a mini version of our Stepford Summer event this month!]

R A G E / D E L I G H T

SCENARIO THREE: CAKE WARS
[There are plenty of ways in this world to rouse your competitive spirit. Many of them involve athletics- few involve such beautiful edible artistry as this.

That's right, you're in a cake baking competition, and no matter how competitive you normally are, thanks to Rage's influence, you want to win. Competitors can be in teams of two or alone, and they have until morning to bake their cakes to the fullest and bring it to Delight's temple for judging.

So what kind of cake baker are you? Do you revel in your artistry? Do you measure everything and carefully prepare each icing tip? Or do you know that you suck at cooking and decide to use the opportunity to sabotage your opponent's cake instead? Nothing is off limits, and all's fair in cake and war, after all!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What? No!

[ No matter what sort of crazy AU shenanigans situation he's in, one thing about Angus will always remain consistent: despite being the world's greatest detective, he is still pretty damn gullible and ridiculously easy to troll, which is why he looks absolutely guilt-stricken and scandalized at this accusation! He can't get arrested for loitering, what if it goes on his permanent record?! ]

I'm not loitering, I... I live here! [ He's pretty sure that he does, anyway! ] My parents are away on a very long business trip, and my Grandpa is asleep!

[ ... Wait a minute. Angus squints at the segway, eyes narrowed in suspicion...]

... Sir, you do realize that being mall security and wearing your uniform outside of work doesn't actually make your authority extend outside the mall itself, right?

Excuse me? Do I have to walk you outside?

[Wait. That doesn't track.]

Do I have to walk you into the mall and then walk you back outside? I'll do it. I do cardio. Just, just a good run around the neighborhood. Get my exercise. I'm not like those other lazy security guards.

[He definitely tries to do cardio, which basically consists of a run once a month if he ever feels like it and actually remembers to. One time he got a gym membership, went for a couple hours for three nonconsecutive weekends, and stopped going but was too lazy to cancel so he never got his money back.

Somehow, though, he's got some muscle on him beneath the... bigness. It's probably just natural? His natural power to lift three grown adults at once. Yeah, that sounds about right.]

Besides, I earned this uniform. I'm a valued contributor to society. I have authority in the community.

Uh, anyway, what's your question, Ango?

[Wait, where did that name come from? He's never heard of anybody named Ango, it just sorta... came out of his mouth.]

[ Angus tactfully avoids looking at the segway while Magnus waxes on about cardio and laziness. Pointing it out would be very rude, he thinks, and he isn't 100% sure that Magnus can't arrest him. He's about 99.9% sure, but that .01% of doubt in his mind keeps pointing out that legal citations would look bad on his future college applications.

... Wait a minute, 'Ango?' Angus doesn't make friends easily, let alone ones playful enough to give him goofy nicknames, but this one feels weirdly familiar... like a warm blanket, or a bearhug, or a slightly painful noogie. ]

... I didn't introduce myself, sir. I think that something very strange might be going on, but I'm not sure what it is yet. I was going to ask if you'd noticed anything odd lately, but knowing my name out of nowhere and abbreviating it to a pleasantly friendly nickname is pretty odd, so I think you may have already answered my question.

[Hey now. The segway is just for fun. Also, it's unconscionable to expect someone to walk around something as large as a shopping mall for eight or more hours a day, okay. He's unionized for a reason. Workers' rights, man.

But really, segways are a fucking blast and that is why he is driving one home. Not that Angus knows he's stealing. The kid seems a little too... aware of things, though, so who knows how long that will last. He's gotta ditch this conversation fast.

Except he's kinda in it for the long haul now that he's tripped over "Ango's" name. Somehow. He's gotta know, at this point, what the fresh hell is going on.]

I... don't think I even know your actual name? What the hell would Ango even be short for? Angonius?

[Close????]

You know, I... I've been having weird things popping into my brain lately, like, I think I married... someone? Who's dead? Like, I'm a widow somehow? I've been thinking about it all day, but I don't even know who it was. Also, I've been happily single for a long ass time. I think. Probably. No, definitely.

[He rubs his temples, like thinking about all this weird shit is giving him a headache. Because it is. It's really annoying and he'd like it to stop so he can get back to his awesome life where he owns a segway he got for free.]

[ Hey, no judging here! But sooner or later, Angus is gonna start getting suspicious about that segway... it's only a matter of time! ]

You were very close, sir! My name's Angus McDonald, head of the Caleb Cleveland Kid Cop fanclub, and you were only two vowels and one consonant off!

[ He says it in a bright, chipper voice, but sombers up pretty quickly as Magnus drops the widower bombshell. This is no time to be perky. ] I'm very sorry for your loss that you might have... probably had, sir.

... Does your head get sort of fuzzy and muddled if you think too hard about things, too?

[What the fuck.]

Angus McDonald. That sounds... [Weirdly familiar, but thinking about it is hard. He doesn't want to keep ruminating on it, so.] ...really dorky.

[Angus actually sobers at the mention of his potential late wife, which is not really what Magnus intended at all. He's been feeling weird about it all day, but he is not convinced it's anything to be upset about. It's just a weird feeling. Right?]

I mean, it's fine. I never married. I'm flying solo, as the kids say.

[Is that what the kids say, Magnus?? He drags his hand down his face. Wake up and smell the roses, man. Thinking about this shit is too much.]

Like, with some things, my brain feels like it's frying in oil or something, but... I dunno. It's weird. Wondering about it is a waste of time. I am a grown man with a grown man's job and a grown man's segway who, like, can't really remember his childhood or whatever. It's fine.

Test Drive Meme #22

oH MY GOD

:')

I can't believe Magnus was Paul Blart all along

a wereblart, cursed to transform into an unfunny mall cop man once every thanksgiving until death

but who inherits his curse if he should pass on??

angus, obviously