dankmemes | Test Drive Meme #22

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open July 25th, and apps are open August 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: THE WRONG KIND OF SCARY
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

There's an odd shuffling to your right and to your left. Do you know what that is? Maybe not, but at least nobody else does either. You might peek at an eye stalk or a stinger, you might catch a glimpse of something that can maybe pass for fingers... or maybe it just has a mouth on its butt because its creator was feeling particularly sadistic that day. That's right, you're looking at the creatures from Spore, EA's infamous alien creation game with the most awkward alien creator imaginable.

These particular Spore creatures are the carnivorous kind, the kind who seek out and eat other creatures so that they can instantly procreate to pass on their victim's genetic code and make their species even more wild. You might not want to stick around and watch the mating process. I promise it's just as weird as you think.]

T R A N Q U I L I T Y / C O N F U S I O N

SCENARIO TWO: STEPFORD SUNDAY
[You wake up one lovely weekend morning to the sounds of birds chirping outside and sun streaming through your window. What a wonderful day to be perfectly normal and happy in the suburbs! Your family is all around you, like a Norman Rockwell painting, happy to go about their average day in their average life in their average city.

So what if your sister is an archdemon? Or your father is somehow a dragon? It's just the way that things have always been... isn't it?

The perceptive of you may begin to see cracks in the veneer, may begin to wonder why everything seems to be so perfect... and as the truth begins to unfold, it paints a much darker picture than the one you're seeing. Are you sure you don't want to stay, just a little while longer?

This is a mini version of our Stepford Summer event this month!]

R A G E / D E L I G H T

SCENARIO THREE: CAKE WARS
[There are plenty of ways in this world to rouse your competitive spirit. Many of them involve athletics- few involve such beautiful edible artistry as this.

That's right, you're in a cake baking competition, and no matter how competitive you normally are, thanks to Rage's influence, you want to win. Competitors can be in teams of two or alone, and they have until morning to bake their cakes to the fullest and bring it to Delight's temple for judging.

So what kind of cake baker are you? Do you revel in your artistry? Do you measure everything and carefully prepare each icing tip? Or do you know that you suck at cooking and decide to use the opportunity to sabotage your opponent's cake instead? Nothing is off limits, and all's fair in cake and war, after all!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey, uh, c-level executive Burnsides. (Since they're doing nicknames now, apparently???) You've got a good eye, there.

(The cake sags in the middle as she valiantly tries one more time to smooth the top over. Of course, she's only making it look worse with all of her fussing. With a sigh, she drops her spatula into the little sink near her set-up, and puts both hands on her hips.)

No, I– um, I'm pretty sure that I used a reasonable amount of milk. A normal amount? (But the cake looks so... awful that she can't help but doubt that, now. She chances a glance at Magnus, somebody she has never considered to be any good at baking before now. He looks quite confident with himself. Perhaps Taako's rubbed off on him, and he actually knows what he's talking about.)

... How much should I have added?

Yeah, see, that's your problem. When you make white frosting, it takes more milk. Because milk is also white. So like another... uh, another cup should do the trick. But you've already got the frosting on the cake, so... just pour some of that bad boy on there, bam, you've got a smooth cake. Smoother than a babybutt.

[That's right, Lucretia. Just pour some milk on your cake. It'll be fine. Magnus knows what he's talking about.]

(Okay this sounds fake, now. Lucretia's gaze flickers from the cake, to Magnus, and then her eyes narrow.)

No... I don't think– Magnus, I think you're labouring under the impression that because I am not a cake genius, I therefore must be a cake idiot. I'm not either; I'm simply cake impaired. And I'm not about to pour a cup of milk onto this either, are you serious??

(She doesn't know if she's offended that he thought for a second that this might have worked or if the whole thing is just really funny. She gives him a Look.)

[There are two things a person can do if they are caught in a lie. The first is to own up to their bullshit, and actually be honest for once in their goddamn life.

Magnus opts for the second: doubling down on some wack assed monkey business that can't even be called the most ridiculous thing he's ever tried to convince someone of. He folds his arms and narrows his eyes. He doesn't even have to fake how offended he is. He is offended. How dare Lucretia not just blindly do whatever he says?]

Well, excuse me, Madam. I'm sorry my cake knowledge is too avant-garde for you. I'm really trying to help you here, and what is the thanks I get? Namecalling. Shame on you, Lucretia, shame on you for not taking the chance to save yourself in this competition. I guess you're fine with coming in last place.

[He gives a little hmph.]

Fine! I won't help you, since obviously my generosity isn't going to be appreciated anytime soon. [The second Lucretia starts to say something in return, he cuts her off loudly.] Ah-ah-ah! Nope! Nooope! Don't bother asking for forgiveness. It's too late. The damage is done.

(For a moment she's left doubting, mostly because Magnus seems overly offended by her skepticism, but the more he wheedles away at her defense the less inclined she is to actually believe him.)

I didn't– I called you by your name, Magnus– (is all she manages to get in edgewise before he's off again, and she has to hide a snigger behind one hand. Oh, he's dreaming if he thinks she's about to wreck her own cake with a cup of milk after this.)

Magnus, (she tries again, and then has to repeat herself as he tries to talk over her again anyway,) Magnus, shut up– if you're desperate to get somebody to ruin their hard work to some how save your own skin, surely you'd be better off picking somebody who actually made a cake that looks any kind of good??

(She gestures at her 'creation', which is sagging horribly to the left. Gods, to think she's had to self-burn in order to get through to this idiot.) Please. Mine hardly needs your 'great ideas'– I mucked this one up just fine without you.

[Magnus considers her words at length. She is bringing in logic, which is usually not very effective on him, but he's starting to see her point. It probably helps that she's self-dragging to get there.]

Yeah, you're right. Your cake looks like shit.

[He glances back at his own cake: the red velvet stack from hell. He was too ambitious. He could've done a single layer cake and cruised through the competition fine. But now he really wants to make sure he doesn't come in last place for looking like his cake was dug out of a vacuum's bag.]

Hey, here's an idea. Let's start over. The conversation and the competition. What if we make an alliance? One cake for the price of two? Combine our strengths? Ehhhh?

Thank... you.

(This conversation is so painful. She's at least got half her mind on starting a new bowl of batter so she can attempt to replace the top layer of the cake. Maybe she can ice the whole thing over and nobody will even see the destruction underneath.

Though, when he proposes making the whole thing a team effort she slows in her efforts, one hand mid-reach for a measuring cup.)

... What makes you think that combining our destructive powers won't have perhaps the worst result we could possibly obtain? (She's not feeling too positive rn Mags.)

Hey, now. I've been taking baking lessons from Taako. You've been... moisturizing or something.

[He gestures to indicate her entire facial area.]

With our powers combined, we make... something that looks a hell of a lot better than our two disasters. Come on. Since when has helping someone ever harmed them?? Am I right or am I right?

Test Drive Meme #22

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