dankmemes | (+44): The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.

001. "I need to get some goddam control over my hormones" 002. "You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock" 003. "You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place."

001. "The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire." 002. "Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face." 003. "As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them. "

1. I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.

2. Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

3. Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

4. text her!

1. apparently i was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

2. you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"

3. ate lunch. still drunk. keep forgetting i'm in hadriel but then i look around at the people and remember.

4. i don't make the first move. ever. unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

5. i love all of you. physical. emotional. mental. all of it. when we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...

Edited 2017-11-06 17:34 (UTC)

1. I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...

2. I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.

3. I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.

4. text him/misfire

it was easier in my times everyone wanted a piece of this

I need to adjust your meds. way too high.

it fine

i know the adjustment hasn't been easy on you, but you'll just have to find modern ways to connect with others. i find actions speak louder than words.

can i record it?

that isn't a fair bet at all!!

1. Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.

2. WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?

3. I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?

it is not fine. look I know you have a thing for dragons but this is not what we in the medical profession call fine

1. I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.

2. There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.

3. The quiet that you are hearing is a quiet suggestion that you should go fuck yourself.

4. [choose your own text!]

Edited (ññññññ) 2017-11-06 17:47 (UTC)

1. You were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter, what did you want me to do?

2. I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. The only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out of your window.

3. I understand why you refuse to be sober now.