(+44): The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.

[puzzlingly]

get them while they're hot

Comments

cecily trevelyan

[closerift]

001. "I need to get some goddam control over my hormones"

002. "You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock"

003. "You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place."

3

[puzzlingly]

it was easier in my times everyone wanted a piece of this

daenerys targaryen

[lemontree]

001. "The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire."

002. "Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face."

003. "As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them. "

1

[puzzlingly]

why?

2

[knifecollecting]

And? Did he leave or what?

1

[wormintheglass]

i'm sure he deserved it, darling. was it fatal?

lup ♡

[restinglichface]

1. I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.

2. Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

3. Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

4. text her!

2

[puzzlingly]

can i record it?

3

[closerift]

that isn't a fair bet at all!!

2

[requiemshark]

much as i appreciate the enthusiasm I'm supposed to be avoiding arson here

3

[murderpotato]

i mean yeah my pantsll probably be comin off tonight but it better not be fuckin around you

no offense but you already know my type and you aint it

[His type is mercenary Ryan Reynolds, apparently.]

Atem

[puzzlingly]

1. apparently i was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

2. you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"

3. ate lunch. still drunk. keep forgetting i'm in hadriel but then i look around at the people and remember.

4. i don't make the first move. ever. unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

5. i love all of you. physical. emotional. mental. all of it. when we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...

5

[hot_mes]

I need to adjust your meds. way too high.

[hot_mes]

1. I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...

2. I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.

3. I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.

4. text him/misfire

1

[puzzlingly]

you can always just watch us bleed we wont care

Julie

[redwinekindofgirl]

1. Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.

2. WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?

3. I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?

3

[puzzlingly]

the lake felt like swimming

did you keep my shirt? i like that shirt

Dr. Temperance Brennan, friend to all children and animals

[notimpervious]

1. I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.

2. There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.

3. The quiet that you are hearing is a quiet suggestion that you should go fuck yourself.

4. [choose your own text!]

1

[puzzlingly]

what can i say we egyptians have no shame

Ignis

[claritatis]

1. You were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter, what did you want me to do?

2. I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. The only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out of your window.

3. I understand why you refuse to be sober now.

3

[closerift]

i knew you would understand me some day.

Lance

[lifetothefullest]

1. I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.

2. Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.

3. Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?

4. The fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.

1

[notimpervious]

I would like muffins!

I would like drinks

I am drunk

Ravine.

[whip_poor_will]

1. Then she opened the door and pitched the squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

2. 5 things that make me perfect:
The skin of a dead slave. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.

2

[puzzlingly]

dibs on the sunglasses

Aren Brosca

[paragonbrosca]

1. I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...

2. The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.

3. You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock

4. I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?

1

[puzzlingly]

call me when they start playing card games

Kain Highwind

[dragonsgrasp]

1. Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.

2. I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.

3. Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.

4. text him!

1

[puzzlingly]

where was the last time you saw it?

Terrence Ephemera

[requiemshark]

1. You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 minutes later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'

2. He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper

3. If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.

4. text him!

1

[notimpervious]

Oooh, that explains the bruising on my knuckles. I am sorry, even though I do not remember punching you.

Gren

[murderpotato]

1. im drunk and hes still weird

2. in case you were wondering i realized something last night. rick james was right, cocaine is a hell of a drug.

3. i mean i let him fuck me after we both ate taco bell sober... thats gotta mean something, right?

4. text him some weird shit you meme loving fucks

2

[ishotyouuu]

please tell me you mean that from a "grinding my feet on my buddy's couch" standpoint and not a "kidnapping young women" standpoint

[Jussayin'. Rick James was kind of a fucking psychopath.]

Jo Harvelle

[knifecollecting]

1) (651):

I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.

2) (201):

nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done

3) (918):

I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.

Text her?

walks into the meme 15 minutes late with starbucks

[dedikated]

( one ) Just assume that every drink in the cave has alcohol in it.
( two ) It possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
( three ) It's the afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
( four ) A 13 year old just asked me why people drink; had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
( five ) At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?

5

[wormintheglass]

excuse you Kate i totally meant to hit him

he was standing too close to the dartboard anyway