dankmemes | Test Drive Meme #34

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!test drive

Test Drive Meme #34

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open July 25th, and apps are open August 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: OOZES GEOMETRICALLY
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

The only warning you may get is the squish slick sound of movement before a gelatinous cube is upon you. Leaving gross trails behind them and with their see-through bodies filled with the bones of those that they've dissolved in their jelly, these cubes have no real vulnerability other than their limited movement.

Gelatinous cubes are exactly what it says on the tin, giant translucent cubes of jelly whose main attack tactic seems to be cornering people in small hallways and just sort of absorbing them into its mass. They then digest all meat and flesh and leave only floating bones and various metals their victim may have been wearing stashed inside of their jiggling forms.

Maybe it's time to apologize for the last time you brought a jelly mold to a potluck.]

A L L

SCENARIO TWO: MY LOYAL SERVANTS
[Thanks for your service to the gods! In order to power each of them up, it's up to you to pick a deity you like most (or dislike least, as it were) and simply say their name in order to be influenced by them and encouraged to inspire their emotion in others!

What, you don't want to play? Too bad, accidental name calling works just as well, even if you didn't mean to incite them- you'll feel their presence pulling their chosen emotion out in you anyway. Hope you picked a good one!

This is a mini version of our In Need Of A Boat event this month.]

C O N F U S I O N

SCENARIO THREE: I MISS GPS
[Sure, you might be a little confused at being here at first, but that generally goes away within a few days. This time... well, this time, that feeling of befuddlement isn't quite going away. Roads that you take seem to disappear behind you when you turn around, your right turns are left turns on the map you're following, and you're pretty sure that everyone except for you put their shirt on backwards this morning.

Is everyone high? What they're saying makes absolutely no sense to you. You can't find your way out of a paper bag, let alone back to where you've been staying lately. Is that a dog or is it an eldritch horror coming up to lick at your calves?

During this prompt, everything will feel off and it can be very difficult to get your bearings at all. That's Confusion for you!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Icy reception, this one. Not much to glean off her skeptical question, but her eyes accompanied with the creative stretch of the ever so slightly patronizing term of endearment she's decided to apply to him tell him much more.

He doesn't look intimidated, though, his grin just widening in the way any conman worth their salt would look at a particularly tough customer. It's not uncommon that he's met with people who aren't a fan of how he flaunts his tiefling heritage, so really, it's no skin off his back.]

Little town called Trostenwald, in the Dwendalian Empire. Not sure if that means much to you, miss. It's known for its fine ale and finer performers.

[Easiest lies are the ones based on truth. There's certainly a Trostenwald known for its ale, and there certainly have been performers named Mollymauk Tealeaf at that town before.

He continues shuffling his cards, undeterred.]

I don't need the cards to tell me you're a special one, but they certainly don't hurt.

I can't say I know of it, no.

[She'll just... conveniently ignore the 'special' comment. Coming from some people they mean flattery. From others, they find an exceptionally passive-aggressive way to use the word. Hard to say which it is with him just yet.]

You've only just arrived though, haven't you. Tell me, what are your first impressions of this place?

[Look, she'll humor him enough to have a neutral conversation. She has no special love for tieflings, they're still mortals and more often than not the distant descendants of some enemy or another, but at least they're not yet another dreaded boring human.]

[Attempts to bring attention back to the cards are proving difficult. He doesn't mind spinning some tale for her, though, in the meantime. They'll go back to the potential reading in due time.]

So I have, so I have. If you're looking to fill out some comment cards in my honor, well, I'd say this place has some pretty interesting people so far.

The ocean's quite nice, too. Trostenwald was close to the Ustaloch, but that was a simple lake, not a big, wide ocean. Amazing what a large body of water does to the senses. I can see why those I've met from the Menagerie Coast were such fans.

[This, actually, is only tangentially a lie. He really is a fan of the people and the oceans, having not been so close to the beach before. Even if it's a rocky beach, he's impressed by the size of it. It intimidates and offers peace in equal measure.]

My impressions of the local gods are a little more vague, though. Can't say I've been able to glean much of them, but then, isn't that just the way of things with gods?

[The pendant of Bahamut shines around his neck. He's very aware of it right now, with how much less necessary it is to adapt to the approved Dwendalian religions. But then, the tapestry his deck is currently spread out on is just a big idol to the Platinum Dragon as well, isn't it? It probably wouldn't be a bad thing to keep up the ruse, since he's got all he needs for it already and all.]

[To that, Caedra is quick to reply:]

Oh, they're not gods. Or if they are, they're very minor ones, and incompetent at their best. Think of them more as ... hm. Sorcerers who never quite learned correctly what their powers even do. They're like children, really, in that regard. They never do quite seem to understand what step to take next or how to even do it.

[Terrified children at that, always fearing the constructs that hunt them. She would pity the people who truly think they are on a godlike level of power if she cared enough to. Gods as she knows them ought to be unable to be killed by what amounts to a small army of metallic golems.]

[Hmm. This is a unique take on the gods that Molly hasn't heard yet. That means this conversation is already a success: he's learned something new, though whether about this black-eyed woman or actually about the gods is up for interpretation. Ha, maybe he'll pull some cards about it, if he believed in that sort of thing.

Still, the more she lets on about her perspective, the more information he has to work off of for any potential Hopeful card reading.]

You're not the first I've heard claim they're not gods, but you're the first I've heard make such colorful comparisons about them. I'm sure you'd know how to impersonate divinity much better than they do, then?

Or perhaps I've simply raised enough children to know how petulant they can be.

[One. One is enough to know. Especially trying to raise a half-demon in a world full of mortals. As much as she loves her son, as much as she wouldn't mind having more some day, boy oh boy can they be a nightmare.]

I try not to have too many direct dealings with the divine, in any case. It usually ends poorly for anyone but themselves.

A mother, eh? Why, you barely look to be of drinking age.

[Flattery doesn't necessarily get you everywhere, but it can't hurt. And she's absolutely speaking from history with divinity. That may not necessarily be saying much, considering Molly's two years old and has already made friends with a fallen angel, but they are speaking specifically on gods right now. Which worries him, a bit.

Jester's playfulness about the Traveler aside, he can't imagine actually dealing with a god of the type back home. Divinity is sort of beyond his natural ken.]

I've known clerics to benefit from their general involvement before, but I get the impression there are no clerics of Rage or what-have-you around. Seems like that one would end poorly, especially if what you say is true.

[Nope, definitely not directly working for Hope right now, what would make you think that?]

And you look to have not reached it yet.

[Grow some facial hair, kiddo, and then we'll talk. Though certainly she's aware that there's no way to judge his age based on appearance. Tieflings might be mostly-human, but they come with an abundance of quirks from that not-human part. Still, she's never heard of one living past the lifespan of an average human, so he can't be all that old.]

You're quite right, though, and it's one of the first things I noticed when arriving here. For 'gods', they are entirely unattended by worshipers. But the creatures they served as gods to are dead and gone now, so they're simply doing a poor job of converting anyone new to their worship.

[He laughs.]

Now that, I've got to hand to you. I've been told my looks haven't been much help in discerning gender in the past; why not throw age into the mix?

[But he's nothing if not proud, so the little dig doesn't bother him a bit. Besides, for all he knows, he's two years old, so she'd be exactly right.]

Ah, now that's a story I like. Hapless gods, unable to replace their long lost devotees. Too bad I can't break the spell myself. I'm not looking to convert anytime soon.

[Look, she'll take her minor victory with a smile.

He does seem to have a repeating theme going on with that dragon, but it's not a symbol she's familiar with. Close to a few, but not the same, not enough to feel like she can assume much of anything. He sure does display it loudly, though, for someone who speaks so irreverently about gods. Perhaps the devout can be casual at the same time.]

No, I see you must have one you're fond of already. Which god is that, then? Your dragon? Or do you simply fancy the design?

[He smirks at her pointing out the silver and cobalt dragon iconography, leaning back to stretch out on his deeply gaudy tapestry.]

The Platinum Dragon Bahamut himself, of course. A force of good and law and order through and through. Not that I don't fancy the design as well, but it seems an obvious choice, for a law-abiding citizen of the Empire like myself.

[The look in his shining red eyes is just daring her to challenge him on that. He's always found it pretty hilarious, himself. But in the Empire, no one would think twice about anyone walking around worshiping the Platinum Dragon, even if they look like he does.]

Never heard of him.

[Had he stopped at one mention of lawfulness she might have let it be, but his repeated insistence of it tips her off, and she considers him contemplatively for a moment instead with a hint of a smirk.]

But I'm sure it will pain you deeply as a result to know that there is no rule of law here other than what we make of it ourselves. We are our own authorities - or lack thereof, and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of it. So I dare you - go wild.

[Honestly, sometimes you just want to push buttons and see what happens. With this dark-eyed woman, that's most certainly proving to be the case more than not.

Molly stages a false and overdramatic gasp.]

Well! I would never abide such a grim place. Not ever in all my years. I will most certainly do nothing of the sort.

I'm certain you'll fit in just fine, then. You'll be the only tiefling here, though, to my knowledge. Most of these people will never have even heard of one.

[She shrugs. Just an observation. Something that annoys her, honestly, since variety is more fun and these people have so little of it. Oh well, she's making do.

And naturally she wonders, as she always does with these creatures, where his ancestry lies. Some of them become so diluted that it's impossible to tell - some of them even mix plenty, until there's no point. She could guess, but it hardly matters. Most of them don't know, anyway, she has come to learn. Unless they show obvious signs of a recent ancestor, there are so few ways to be sure.]

Oh, that's a fun challenge.

[He means "that sounds awful," and its clear in his tone.]

I guess I'll just have to let them all know what they're missing, then.

[Not that he knows the first thing about what a tiefling is meant to be like, nor does he care. He's very aware of the popular misconceptions about people like him, slurs like "devilblood" definitely reaching his ears more than once, but he also doesn't know the first thing about any sort of tiefling culture, whether or not he exemplifies any part of it, past "nice that I have these horns I can put pretty baubles on, extra piercing real estate".

So he might be the tiefling least suited to introducing tieflings to the masses, but that also means he gets to make up bullshit stories about what tieflings do (out of earshot of this woman, apparently) which is always a silver lining in his book.]

If you're so uniquely aware of what I am, I can't say I'm nearly as learned, unfortunately. What does that make you in this equation?

[Ah, what shall she be this time? He'll find out eventually what she is if he pays any attention at all to the others in the city. Some of them love to proclaim it from the rooftops as if warning them will spare them from her wrath.

So perhaps lying is just delaying the inevitable, but it's also fun and means they're more likely to have a civil conversation for the time being. She smiles. Shrugs.]

It just makes me someone from a world that has tieflings. But I know that's not what you meant. I can't say I know what I am, why I have eyes like this. Some odd quirk of my birth. At home they say I'm a vǫlva, a seer of sorts, but that's old mythology speaking.

[Thank you, Ivar, for that bit of information. The vikings are now her people, for this man. She would make a fine one. It's an easy life to pretend to have led.]

Just an odd human, then. Interesting.

[Molly's insightful, but doesn't actually care what she is enough to wonder if she's lying. His indifference helps her in this instance.

Also, he literally lived and sat at meals with a fiend despite having the uncanny ability to track fiends, so like, Molly just does not care to figure out what people are until they start turning people into husks at his carnival and not a moment before.]

I don't suppose you would happen to have latent seer powers, would you? I only ask so I know who's going to try to show me up at my own game.

[He shuffles his cards once more, meaningfully.]

Seer powers?

[She laughs a little, acting bashful, then smiles conspiratorially at him.]

You know, it's funny - I wouldn't say that I do, but every now and then I have these dreams that feel like they might be someone else's, but that I'm in them and can control them. I'm sure it's nothing, though. Dreams are strange like that. And luckily for you, I can't say I've seen any cards in them.

[He laughs, at that. He's not sure he believes her or, if he does, that it's "seer powers" manifesting themselves, but it's a fun story, and that's what matters. The strange, unsuspecting seer with her strange, unexpected dreams.]

Controlling someone else's dreams! Now that's impressive. I certainly can't do that. I just follow the hands of fate and let them pick the cards through me. One past, one present, one future. Not quite what you describe, which you're right, is lucky for me.

So you believe in fate? Or is it all for show? There's someone here who reads cards sometimes, tries to tell the future with them, but - I have to say I don't believe they could possibly have any real meaning to the outside universe. Cards like that only have meaning if you give it to them yourself.

[A rather diplomatic way of putting it, but he seems amicable enough. The very idea of fate being universal and identifiable is, of course, bullshit. Perhaps some individuals have their paths laid out for them for a while, when the gods demand it. But those gods themselves are subject to the chaos that is the heart of the multiverse, and for them to pretend otherwise is pure ego.]

Now if it were all for show, it'd be bad for business, wouldn't it? ... Not that there's much business to be had, without coin to speak of.

[He shrugs.]

I believe there's a lot to the world we don't understand, and any small guidance we can find in our cruel, short lives is something we desperately need.

[Probably the most honest he's been so far, even if he's talking about his cards, which he specifically cheats to get the reading he wants. Whoops.]

Then perhaps it's wiser to seek knowledge from creatures that live far longer, hm? Or perhaps you already do, if you believe those cards are in turn guided by your dragon god.

[But what do gods care for cards, anyway? Perhaps for a true god, unlike the creatures here who play them, it's trivial to focus on millions of followers at once and guide them all with diviners' tricks, but it seems like a lot of wasted attention.]

But I can tell you want to read my future and that's really the only reason you're keeping me in conversation, hm? Go ahead. Let's see what nonsense you can craft with them.

I'd call even an elf's life unfairly short, as very few manage to make it to a comfortable death of old age. But the wisdom that comes with longevity is partially why I follow the god I do, yes.

[Even if his true god isn't the Platinum Dragon. He's still a surprisingly faithful person, despite building up an extravagant falsehood about who he follows.]

But come now, give yourself some credit. The reading is certainly not the only reason we're still talking; you're plenty charming on your own merit.

[But the go ahead is enough for him. He takes a moment to consider the deck, shuffles a little bit more, then holds the deck of cards up in his palm.]

You can draw the cards, if you wish, seer.

[This is a power move only to himself; if she happens to choose the cards he doesn't expect, he can probably still force something sufficiently convincing and, especially, hopeful out of the meanings. But she doesn't know how much he cheats, so she can't even appreciate his efforts. It's just fun, okay.]

[Hopefully this little game will turn out better than Tucker's silly parlor tricks. Caedra eyes the cards, then selects a few from various parts of the deck. Not true randomness, sadly, but it doesn't much matter anyway. If he's at all good at whatever little game he's trying to make of this, he'll find a way to craft some story out of them. She can't wait for it to be well off the mark from reality.]

So. Tell me then, what's my prize?

[He turns over the first card. Let's hope these random cards can be wrangled into something that works for his purposes.]

First, your past: the Sphinx. A woman of riddles and intelligence. You've been able to overcome obstacles in the past that others may not have been able to manage. You take calculated risks, and your journey thus far gives you confidence.

[He flips the second card.]

Your present is the Black Cat. A symbol of superstition, but this card's not so unlucky. Rather, it tells me you currently have a mystery in your life, but the Sphinx indicates this isn't the first time. You may find luck on your side here, in fact.

As for your future...

[And, finally, the last card is revealed.]

The woodland fairy Hindrance.

[Gods. If he could let himself wince now, he would. That's not what he'd wanted at all. Maybe he can manage to make this sound like good fortune.]

You have something ahead that will delay your goals. This is only temporary, and the Sphinx tells me you're not so easily discouraged. However, when this card appears, it indicates that trying another approach than your usual fare will bring you even greater success in attaining what you want than you have in the past.

[Hopefully that does it. Risk/reward, right?]

Test Drive Meme #34

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