Test Drive Meme #9

[hadrielmods]

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open May 24th, and apps are open June 1st.

Two quick points here as well:

1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE:
I'VE SEEN ENOUGH HENTAI TO KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

Watch out as you explore the streets of Hadriel, because you're not alone, and there's always something lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect chance to swarm around you and chow down. This time, the Door has brought in a group of malboro, from the Final Fantasy video game series.

These plant-like monsters are essentially comprised of long, tentacle-esque stalks- sometimes with eyes on the ends- and large, gaping mouths. Their breath can be poisonous and literally make you sick to your stomach, and- just your luck- they're carnivorous. Happy hunting!]


C O M B I N A T I O N

SCENARIO TWO: DREAM A LITTLE DREAM OF ME
[You're so tired- at least you've got a reasonably safe place to rest your head at while you recuperate, right? After all, nothing can go wrong when you're asleep.

Aaand that's where you're mistaken. For this event, all characters who fall asleep will either be Hosts or Visitors in their, or someone else's dreams. All dreams are inflicted by one of the four gods (Hope, Delight, Rage, or Fear), and will have their presence influencing the events within your dreams in order to harvest their desired emotion from you.

The sky is essentially the limit, so long as your dreams correspond with one of the four gods. Happy sleeping!

This is a mini version of our Dreamwalker event this month!]


D E L I G H T

SCENARIO THREE: JUST SAY NO
[On your kitchen table the next morning is a blue pill. Just the one pill, along with a glass of what seems to be water. There's a note in elegant script next to the pill that merely says 'TAKE ME'.

If taken, the pill can have a variety of effects. You can hallucinate, you can get uncontrollable giggles, you can feel drunk, you can feel like colors all have textures and shapes and the world is looking at you through a kaleidoscope! The drug can have whatever effect the player desires, as long as it's pleasurable or fun.

So: do you take it? Can you hear someone who already took the drug, stumbling down the street? You, uh, might want to help them, and do be careful. There's no telling what kinds of monsters are still out there.]

Comments

[fortunefavored]

[IT'S CUTE THAT YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET AWAY THAT EASILY

Newt is scrambling to his feet, grabbing an entire handful of kaiju guts on his way up--] Hey! [Yep, that's all that he's managing before he's going to chuck that handful at Hermann's retreating back. Enjoy that.]

[verinumeri]

[ Yes, this he also expected.

Thing was, if he'd tried to walk backwards, he almost certainly would have slipped again. His solution had been a zigzag pattern. Alas, too slow.

A handful of slime smacks square between his shoulder blades. It slides down his back, leaving a blue trail down his blazer. Hermann freezes. His shoulders slowly raise toward his ears. The back of his neck darkens to a vibrant scarlet.

One might expect him to begin hollering. Instead, he's quite still, quite quiet. Turning, he walks not toward the door, but toward Newton's side of the lab once more.

Of course he has multiple boxes of gloves.

As he yanks a pair onto his hands, he notes they're a bit small -- as always -- but the box in his size is stored too far. Hermann then carefully hangs his cane on a hook beside his holograph terminal.

And turns back to Newton. His mouth in a grim line. His eyes blazing. Hermann marches to the line, bends, and takes two fistfuls of guts. One he chucks immediately.

The second, he waits until he's carefully picked his way back over, to, if possible, try to slap it against Newton's chest. Right down that awful tie. ]

[fortunefavored]

[Newt did expect some yelling, yes. Especially because that throw was an absolute bullseye, right between the shoulder blades which has him smirking, viciously. But it's when Hermann goes quiet that Newt knows he's really mad. And honestly?

Sorry, not sorry.

It also means he's going to watch as Hermann crosses over onto Newt's side and grabs at a pair of gloves, and is already starting to back up a couple steps when the mathematician crosses over the line and then proceeds to chuck kaiju guts back at him.

Newt dodges the first throw with a yelp, stumbling back, miraculously managing not to slip quite yet, though it is very slick, and he's ducking down to grab a couple handfuls himself, straightening just as Hermann makes it to him, and thus he gets a chest full of slimy, cold kaiju entrails. At which point he squawks wordlessly in reaction, before--]

Oh, you asshole--! [and yep, you're getting a handful of guts coming at your ugly ass blazer, Hermann]

[verinumeri]

[ Within the thickening mist of fury, Hermann recognizes another unfavorable set of odds: if they are now standing in front of one another, stooping continuously to pick up innards to throw and smear on one another, they will doubtless reach a point where they attempt to intercept the other while he's bent to gather ammunition.

At that point, given the condition of the floor, balance will doubtless become an issue, and they will find themselves kneeling in it and effectively slapping each other with the same tendril of guts.

Something like that.

Yes, it doesn't take much in the way of predictive models or pattern recognition to see that.

He's too irate to care. HE IS INCREASINGLY COVERED IN KAIJU SLIME HE IS GOING TO KILL NEWTON. ]

You started it--!

[ ...actually, for once, Hermann might have started it.

...fancy that.

(And his blazer is fine, thank you.)

(Except for the guts, because obviously he can't dodge it.) He tries to get his hands in the way, to grab at Newton's wrist to prevent him, but mostly succeeds it getting more of it up his sleeve.

Snarling, with a slimy glove yanking at Newton's tie to hold him in place, Hermann bends (probably thus yanking Newton part of the way) to scoop with his left hand. In the same motion he's thrusting the handful up at him. ]

Here, since you like it so much!

[fortunefavored]

The hell I did--[except Hermann's grabbing at his wrist, and yanking at his tie, which definitely throws him a bit off-balance, just barely managing to find it, flailing a bit as Hermann bends for more ammunition, but Newt, fortunately, still has one handful of the stuff and now that Hermann's bent--] I like dissecting it, not laying in it--! [he sure is going to do his best to shove that down the back of Hermann's shirt]

[verinumeri]

[ Even before starving in Haven, his clothes were a bit loose. His shirt should be buttoned to the top button, but as this is a dream and it's funnier if Newton succeeds (plus will obviously make him angrier, kudos Rage), somehow there's just enough room for Newton to worm a nice, wretched tendril down his shirt.

On the one hand, thank goodness for undershirts. On the other, there's a chunk of kaiju guts slithering down his back.

Hermann yelps, jerking upright. ]

How dare -- aiecck! --

[ His right hand spasmodically released Newton's tie, but his left does keep swinging -- hopefully to get some of it on Newton, and if there's any justice in the world, in his awful face -- but he's rearing back, reaching behind under his blazer, yanking at the back of his shirt so it can fall back out and not pool and sit at the small of his back.

He should really just focus on that.

But, you know, same problem: Hermann's irate.

He tries too much.

He also tries to kick some of the guts on the floor at Newton.

Miraculously, he's still upright, but it's a very unsteady, wobbly, sliding upright. ]

You should be buried in it, I'm going to bloody bury you in it!

[fortunefavored]

[Newt has just enough time to cackle madly as some of those guts go straight down the back of Hermann's shirt, and the subsequent noise he makes--before he's choking off the noise, jerking his head away as Hermann's other hand comes up, shoving a fistful of guts right into the side of Newt's neck, which is so many shades of not fun, and now that his tie is released, he's jerking back half a step--] I'd like to see you try, you--[but unfortunately, he will not get to finish his insult as,in his attempt to avoid the guts kicked at him, he looses his footing and goes down pretty hard onto his back, possibly just close enough to knock hermann's feet out from under him as well]

[verinumeri]

[ Yes.

Just close enough, indeed.

Worse: he goes down face forward. His hands come up to slam against the guts and metal floor beneath, but the impact splashes the gunk against his face, and obviously, the rest of him's well immersed.

Newton should take this moment's reprieve, this moment of Hermann stunned, faintly bruised, and in the eye of the storm -- before rage makes him completely insensible. ]

[fortunefavored]

[as it is, Newt kinda banged his head on the floor when he fell flat on his back, so it's taking him a good thirty seconds in which he's going to suck in a pained breath and let it out with a his, before struggling to at least sit up, the back of his head throbbing like crazy]

[verinumeri]

[ A floor full of kaiju guts is 8.4 centimeters from his face.

The smell is overpowering.

In this, rage has a purpose: though Hermann has gotten used to the smell after five years of sharing a laboratory with Newton, this much would have had him gagging, even outright sick, if not for the full-body tremor of fury currently holding him. A kind of outraged suspended animation, a shield of fury.

So it is that Hermann pushes partially to his knees, staring in bleak, pinched animosity at the condition of his suit. He is blue. Entirely blue. da ba dee da ba die

There's really nothing else for it.

He launches himself at Newton, throws himself, quite possibly shoving him back down to the floor (though not actually intending to bang his head again). If he succeeds, he'll be straddling him, his hands fisted in his collar. ]

You Bleeding Dummes Huhn!

[ And here comes the slurring of his Southern German accent, ever only materializing in fits of passion. ]

forever hover for translation

[fortunefavored]

[Newt barely has a moment to blink before Hermann is legitimately on him--and honestly Newt can only remember one or two times where Hermann has been THIS pissed off. Okay yeah they make each other mad a lot but this is definitely an entirely different level.

(Un?)Fortunately, he is right up there with him. The impact bangs his head on the ground again, which makes him yelp, but this impact leaves him less dazed, thanks to a large hunk of guts that actually serves as a cushion. Hermann's hands clench at his collar, and yep that sure is some Bavarian yelled in his face. Which, naturally, he is not going to take too kindly towards]

Du kannst nie sprechen, du--du--du--[and he's reaching up to shove Hermann this time, hopefully off to the side and into some viscera, at which point he'll try and turn the tables and climb on top of him] --du scheißer!

oops previous one was "stupid chicken"

[verinumeri]

[ Such is the understandable result when one covers his floor (and only his floor) with kaiju entrails up to the ankle then proceeds to actually throw them at him. Even if Newton is inexplicably not at fault for the mess, it's assuredly his fault that it's there. In some fashion it is because of him or because of Hermann's association with him.

Newton's head make a wonderful squelching against the gobs of wretchedness. He'd intended to get another fistful and grind it into his hair (much as he otherwise has become rather fond of it), but that does seem to do the trick. Other than yelling in his face and getting more gunk on Newton, it's not clear what he'd intended to do once on him, once grabbing him -- certainly not hit him, despite the prime position -- and he quickly loses his chance.

Shoved, Hermann's dislodged, but releases Newton rather than drag him into the momentum, because he's trying to avoid Newton getting on him. Instead, he busies himself trying to scramble backwards on all fours -- scuttling, really, as he's on his arse -- and still, simultaneously, trying to kick gob and pulverized innards at Newton. ]

Bleib' weg'n mir, d'elende Ausrede f'reine dezentralisier'e Primat'n! Du Wichser!

[fortunefavored]

[you can damn well bet Newt is crawling after him, trying to duck those spattering of kaiju guts at him]

Ja, vielleicht--[and he's reaching out on one of those kicks, fingers latching around Hermann's ankle, tight, and yanking hard, meaning to pull Hermann towards him]--wenn du echt Deutsch spricht!

[verinumeri]

[ Unfortunately, Hermann cannot crab walk at this speed. No, he's slow and worse, his balance is no better like that. Meaning, since it's poor in general, that when Newton grabs his ankle and pulls with such force, he falls right onto his butt, his hands scrambling in the filth and finding nothing of purchase. Quite effectively yanked. With something that rather resembled a hoarse howl.

So, of course, he's kicking with his other leg at Newton's arm and grabbing chunks to throw at him. ]

Ish will nie hör, dass v'n ein'm Amerikaner!

[fortunefavored]

[Hermann kicks at his leg a couple times, spattering kaiju blue and other bits all over his arm before Newt manages to catch a hold of him--at which point he's going to be dragging him bodily back towards Newt through the viscera, making an attempt to dodge whatever Hermann's throwing at him pretty badly. Also it's likely he's going to have trouble seeing right now because he's probably gotten a fair amount of guts on his glasses]

Du kannst nicht sprechen, Engländer! [yeah he's pretty much going to drag Hermann practically into his lap as he sits back on his haunches, at which point he's going to release his ankles and try grabbing for his wrists] Ich spreche beiden Sprachen besser als dir!

[verinumeri]

[ In no world is Hermann letting Newton drag him into his lap, but their knees definitely bang and their legs risk tangling as Newton yanks. Hermann fights to keep sitting up and fights also Newton's reach, though the result of that is him alternating between slapping at Newton's hands and also trying to grab his wrists. ]

Beid'Sprachen? Du kannst nie'm die Rede richt'sein! Plätschernd'n Pavian!

aaaaaaand SCENE

[fortunefavored]

Nein, du bist ein plätschernden Pavian! [okay, that is IT, Newt is 10000000% done with this bullshit, and he's half-launching himself at Hermann hoping he can somehow pin him--and as soon as his hands close on Hermann, one on his shoulder, the other fisted in his lapel--that everything goes dark.

Because next thing he knows, he's gonna be waking up in Hadriel oops]

you are so welcome, Rage

[verinumeri]