dankmemes | Test Drive Meme #9

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!test drive

Test Drive Meme #9

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open May 24th, and apps are open June 1st.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE:
I'VE SEEN ENOUGH HENTAI TO KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

Watch out as you explore the streets of Hadriel, because you're not alone, and there's always something lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect chance to swarm around you and chow down. This time, the Door has brought in a group of malboro, from the Final Fantasy video game series.

These plant-like monsters are essentially comprised of long, tentacle-esque stalks- sometimes with eyes on the ends- and large, gaping mouths. Their breath can be poisonous and literally make you sick to your stomach, and- just your luck- they're carnivorous. Happy hunting!]

C O M B I N A T I O N

SCENARIO TWO: DREAM A LITTLE DREAM OF ME
[You're so tired- at least you've got a reasonably safe place to rest your head at while you recuperate, right? After all, nothing can go wrong when you're asleep.

Aaand that's where you're mistaken. For this event, all characters who fall asleep will either be Hosts or Visitors in their, or someone else's dreams. All dreams are inflicted by one of the four gods (Hope, Delight, Rage, or Fear), and will have their presence influencing the events within your dreams in order to harvest their desired emotion from you.

The sky is essentially the limit, so long as your dreams correspond with one of the four gods. Happy sleeping!

This is a mini version of our Dreamwalker event this month!]

D E L I G H T

SCENARIO THREE: JUST SAY NO
[On your kitchen table the next morning is a blue pill. Just the one pill, along with a glass of what seems to be water. There's a note in elegant script next to the pill that merely says 'TAKE ME'.

If taken, the pill can have a variety of effects. You can hallucinate, you can get uncontrollable giggles, you can feel drunk, you can feel like colors all have textures and shapes and the world is looking at you through a kaleidoscope! The drug can have whatever effect the player desires, as long as it's pleasurable or fun.

So: do you take it? Can you hear someone who already took the drug, stumbling down the street? You, uh, might want to help them, and do be careful. There's no telling what kinds of monsters are still out there.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Um, I don't have to get the name of someone who broke my shit, and I'll whine if I want to! It's not like I go into someone else's lab and just randomly start picking up and fucking up their stuff! [....that may not be ENTIRELY true, but Newt believes it's true, and so it is. Mostly because he hasn't had the chance to go into anyone else's lab and fuck shit up. Anyway, it's a protest, started, but then paused by the fact that there's a towel on his face now, thrown with excellent accuracy--which he quickly retrieves and balls up in his hand]

Also, what? Are you saying it's wrong? [TOTALLY CHUCKING THAT TOWEL AT THE BACK OF UR HEAD, HERMANN]

[ Why is he here?? That's a good question.

For which he has no answer, so it takes him about two seconds to discard. He raises his hands and takes a step back from the table, though: junk inventor guy is not scary, but pasta guy looks real serious. ]

I can go, if you guys need some, uh, time. Listen, you can come to my lab and fuck shit up any time you want.

[ He does not have a lab. His lab is a disgusting dive bar somewhere. ]

[ Normally, that would hit him. However, they might as well have a (comedy) routine down. Of course Newton's going to throw it back. He had reason to sidestep -- part of grabbing the lid to drain the pasta.

The towel hits the wall with a sad thump then slides to seek comfort from the faucet. Hermann's silence as to whether it's true or not tells enough of the story.

Hermann squints over his shoulder, through the steam. ]

You have a lab?

[ 15% disbelieving, 85% not dismissing the possibility, probability. Newton doesn't look like much of a scientist. All tryhard leather jacket, skinny tie, skinnier jeans. Tattoos. Mr. Jonathan (Doctor Impossible, honestly) had been a literal supervillain-scientist. It's possible. Pasta drained. Pot back on stove. Sauce dumped in. ]

Don't invite him unless you mean it. He'll do it. Do you have a name? Despite how much you both like the word, I doubt it's Dude.

[ Don't try to tell him it's Dude. He'll end up very cross for believing it for .05 seconds. (Can't be helped with people running around named or calling themselves Deadpool and Thor.) Now stirring. ]

Listen, whoever you are, it will make absolutely no difference whether you go or stay [ seriously they'll have the same argument whether someone's there or not ], so if you're hungry, you might as well.

Stay, I mean. Newton, fetch another plate.

Edited (also sorry for editing so much fffff ) 2016-05-31 02:46 (UTC)

Um, of course I would do it! [He glances sideways at the guy, though] If you've actually got a lab.

[Suspicious Newt is suspicious. But, true to form, they will argue, and this time Newt will direct the subject. At least a little. Hermann's suggestion has him squawking, spreading his hands wide] What?! [scowling openly at Hermann] Oh great, he breaks my shit and you invite him to dinner! [he's throwing his hands up, stomping over towards the plates so that all involved know that he is rather irritated. Also a terrible host o o p s]

[ New assessment: pasta guy is cool. ]

I told you I'd fix the thing, and you freaked out at me. I could still fix it. [ It can't be that hard, surely!! ] And—and—you could still come break all the shit at my lab. [ All he'd have to do to put this genius plan in motion is borrow someone's lab! To be returned completely trashed, if this guy is actually capable of wrecking Science Shit, which Gojyo is increasingly willing to bet he's not.

And then, turning to Hermann: ]

Thanks, man. I'm, um, Gojyo. [ He's gotten weirdly unaccustomed to introducing himself. ] That pasta smells amazing. [ It's important to stay in the good graces of the one who cooks, in any situation. He knows this well. ]

[ Poor Hermann is now at 10% and 90%. After all, the man keeps insisting he can fix it, which lends some credibility to his having a lab. Thus, he's musing: he probably shouldn't let Newton go and break all of it. This guy only temporarily broke one thing.

He's turned partially back toward them to watch Newton stomp, a faint smirk starting, because... annoying Newton is gratifying. World's #1 Couple. ]

If you don't like it, you shouldn't have sat there bickering with him for eleven minutes. I won't be rude because you haven't got any etiquette.

[ Pointedly raising his eyebrows once Newton's close with the plates. Then, to Goyjo. Who actually has manners! Look at that, Newton! More smile than smirk. ]

You're welcome, Mr. Gojyo. We have to stick together and all that. [ Should it be -san? He's not sure where to put the name. ] Have you got a last name? I am Dr. Gottlieb and my colleague is Dr. Geiszler.

[ ...yes, he's sure going with colleague, though Newton already went and said much more than needed to be said. Speaking of the pasta, he's distributing it among three plates. To Newton, quietly ] You can bring those over --

[ and back to Mr. Gojyo ]

-- and that's generous of you. [ And! Polite! See! Newton! ] I'm afraid it's all boxed and canned, but it's something, here.

Edited (....i fogot the original percentages) 2016-05-31 11:28 (UTC)

[Newt turns to listen to the guy for a minute as he's getting down plates, still a bit suspicious, but warming up at the idea of checking out someone else's lab. He's still irritated about he was working on being broken but...sure. Let the guy try and fix it. Now he's curious. Though he does wrinkle his nose at Hermann.] I wouldn't have argued with him if he hadn't scared the crap out of me! And broke the generator switch. [ah, and now the thing has a name. Anyway he will be sticking his tongue out at Hermann. Because he's a mature adult.

As for that whole Dr. Geiszler thing--] Ignore him, call me Newt! Only my mother calls me "doctor." [even now, the corner of his mouth can't help but lift in a smug grin, which he directs at Hermann because not only was he able to use that great line that he's been using for years, he's clearly about to say something that'll piss him off--] And also, apparently, my boyfriend.

[ And now he'll be taking those plates and turning to walk towards the table. His attention flicks down to assess what's on the plates, though, judging how much is on each plate...and what he saw of what was left in the pot. So yep. He's going to plop himself down in a chair across from Gojyo and put one plate in front of him, and one in the seat next to him. For Hermann.

So there.]

So. What's your lab like?

[ What the hell is going on, nobody ever believes he's smart!! Which makes it incredibly tempting to be like why yes I'm Dr. Sha and my lab is full of cool shit, except he has no idea what a lab might actually contain, which is kind of an obstacle.

As for the last name thing: ]

It's Sha, but Gojyo's fine.

[ Nobody's addressed him formally in like, ever. Ever. He ambles around the side of the table to check out the 「GENERATOR SWITCH」, though he keeps his hands in his pockets lest some nerd have a heart attack. And to Newt: ]

It's in India. [ YEAH. Good one. He's just gonna go ahead and describe a temple. ] It's really high up, so there's a lot of, uh, medicine. For altitude sickness, which fuckin' sucks. [ A pause. ] There's a monk living there.

Yes, he's terrifying, isn't he.

[ d r y l y. Desert style.

As for believing he's smart, well, looks (and demeanor) can be deceiving. He'll allow it. Case in point, still: Newton.

At whom he frowns when he turns with his own plate, noting what Newton's done with those he handed him. He reaches behind, grasping for the cane hooked on the oven's handle. ]

Mr. Sha, then.

[ Informality is not fine for Hermann. He steps toward the table, narrowing his eyes at Newton. Play it that way, Newton. There's more left to be said. ]

Wash your hands before eating.

[ India redirects his attention once more. His eyebrows begin to raise in centimeter increments at the description that follows and he glances once at Newton. ]

That's odd. You must have plenty of visitors in need of it, as I understand that those who've long-lived at such altitudes are at least somewhat acclimated. There are arguments in some locations as to local evolution.

Well, medicine isn't my area. Does the monk, what, make the medicine?

You wash your hands. [Because Newt is a mature adult. Also, he's totally reaching for that plate when Hermann finally steps up to the table 8|

Anyway, back to that whole lab thing...Newt catches the look Hermann sends his way and yeah, no, he's pretty much on the same page. So he's just gonna arch an eyebrow at Gojyo]

So....there's a monk living in the lab. Up in the mountains. Making medicine for altitude sickness? [this sounds fishy. Newt's eyes narrow] What sort of equipment do you use?

Edited 2016-05-31 22:53 (UTC)

[ He almost starts to go for the sink, but at the last second his brain registers that this is some sort of internal dispute using petty demands as a medium (something he should probably recognize instantly, from experience), and he sits down. ]

[ Oh, he has a good answer for this one. ] Scrolls. You know what a sutra is? [ he barely knows what a sutra is, but he's about to be Sutra Expert Dr. Sha: ] It's really old writing on, um, magic paper—which sounds stupid, but it's real—and you can use it to do stuff.

[ As if he could use it to do anything. All of this he says in a blasé tone of voice. He might not have any generator switches, but he knows a guy who can do stuff with magic paper!! ]

Edited 2016-06-01 01:50 (UTC)

My hands are clean. You have been tinkering with filthy machinery this entire time. Wash your hands.

[ TBH Mr. Sha should also wash his hands. Plus, then he could point to him as a good example. ...but internal dispute via petty demands is right. Speaking of petty: he raises the plate and leans back, without looking away from Mr. Sha.

Or, Sutra Expert Dr. Sha. ]

Fascinating. I don't know much about sutra, but I don't believe they do quite that in our world. You must be from a different India. What sort of "stuff"? Do you mean that the altitude sickness medicine is effectuated through magic paper?

[ He'd have been incredulous once, even dismissive. He's seen rather too much by now to doubt it, so instead, he'd like to see it. "Magic paper" suggests less the sort of "magic" of equations on a paper eventually leading to feats of engineering, and more actual magic. Perhaps the two fields are conflated in Mr. Sha's world. ]

Give me my plate first, and I will. [he knows your tricks, Hermann Gottlieb 8| But Gojyo's explanation definitely catches his attention.]

Dude. That sounds awesome. [and suddenly he's leaning towards him a bit] How does that work, exactly? Do you just make medicine with this stuff, or can you make other things?

[ Boy, that's a lot of questions he can't answer with facts or any certainty at all. Good thing he's not a scientist!! ]

Well, mostly it kills demons. [ He pauses, nodding, but that doesn't sound very science. It needs more words. ] Or knocks 'em out, I guess. Sometimes. Like, maybe about as big as this room. That's how big the thing is. There's another one that makes stuff disappear. Like trees and stuff. Or arms, you know, if your arm got caught in it, or whatever. And there's another one that makes like a forcefield.

[ Or so he thinks. He's just nodding again. Yep. ]

I gave you your plate.

[ They can and will both be obstinate. The next solution: Hermann steps back. Right back to the oven, where he hooks his cane back on the handle and leans a hip against it. Leaning to pluck a fork from a drawer, he'll just eat standing up. ]

Do you mean the paper is as big as this room? [ Grammar implies as much. "The thing" singular wouldn't be "demons" plural. Room-sized demons wouldn't be particularly impressive. ]

What do you mean by disappear? "If your arm got caught in it," arms, it would make your arm disappear? Not permanently?

[ Where does it go???? Mass and mechanics and quantum theory spins in his skull. Damn magic. ]

Please eat, by the by, around answering. It'll get cold. I do mean around. Don't talk with your mouth full.

[Sorry, Gojyo, he really is interested in what you're talking about and he'll come back to it in a moment, but he really has to give his whole attention to the fact that Hermann gave himself a smaller portion. Because if Hermann thinks that Newt has any problem bringing it up in front of a stranger, he is really very, very wrong.

So now Newt is scowling, grabbing the other plate, and stomping over to Hermann and shoving it at him (though careful not to spill)]

Don't think I didn't see the portions, Hermann. [snapped] Either give yourself an equal portion or take the plate with more--I don't care which--but you're not eating less. We may have more food now but we still don't know when Yao's just suddenly going to decide to fuck us over again, so you need to eat.

The paper does this thing where it—

[ He's already talking with his mouth full whoops, but he pauses, fascinated, to watch this exchange. Oh, good! Something else to latch onto now that they've established he can do all kinds of cool shit, probably. ]

Who's Yao?

[ Chew, swallow, then talk Mr. Sha!!! Or should it be Dr. Sha? Existential crisis. Not really. Though he wants to know more about the paper, everything's summarily derailed by Newton's utter lack of tact.

(Do not think they will forget it, M/Dr. Sha.)

His face contorts. ~~The colleagues who scowl together stay together? Oddly a working premise to date.~~ Almost twitchy, his eyes flick rapidly from Mr. Sha, to Newton, to the plates. It is not embarrassment, really, though he is annoyed that Newton would do this now. As he'd said, it doesn't really matter. They'll do as they will regardless.

In the same vein, it is not out of a desire to avoid a proper confrontation or disagreement, to skirt the fight in front of company, that he yields.

No, it's that Newton's right, though of course Hermann would never admit it. It's that he can see the futility of resisting. Easy enough to predict what might happen, the probabilities: Newton dumps his plate onto Hermann's, snatches them both, quickly tries to swap them and no matter how careful they are, something spills. If they get into it, it will either spill or get cold, or both.

Food is too valuable.

His jaw works, squares. ]

I have food. [ snapped, meaning he had every intention of eating, but he's lifting his fork, aligning the plates so to scoop some from Newton's, evening them out. ]

New, aren't you? My apologies. Of course, it isn't my fault, but it's regrettable each time.

[ As if all that hadn't just happened. Hermann glances past Newton at Mr. Sha. ]

They call themselves a corporation and run this so-called experiment. Not very well, mind you, but we remain nonetheless at their sadistic--literally--mercy.

[Hermann takes enough to make their portions equal, and that's enough to satisfy Newt. He's retreating, then, moving back to the table, expecting Hermann to follow.] Wow, whoever gave you the 'Welcome to Haven' speech didn't mention Yao? That's straight up negligence.

[he'll settle back at the table] Yeah, they all suck and we're working on a way to take them down. If they offer you anything, don't take it, because they'll stab you in the back faster than you can blink.

[ Gojyo chews his food very slowly, looking between them. Ah yes, the 'welcome to wherever' speech that nobody gave him about nothing that sounds familiar. To pretend or not to pretend?

A science nerd would probably/clearly have figured all this shit out. ]

Take them down like, they can't do anything anymore, or take them down like—?

[ He draws a finger across his neck. ]

Edited 2016-06-04 01:21 (UTC)

In an ideal world, it would be the former. The appropriate action would be taken by the system and they would face due justice.

[ Hermann actually hasn't followed. He stays leaning against the oven, idly turning his fork in the pasta. ]

Of course, here they are the system, if a corrupted one, but then ideally it would be a revolution capable of that sort of recompense. Keeping them alive also improves the probability of enlisting knowledgeable cooperation in returning everyone to their worlds.

Realistically, it will be the latter. Not merely because I think my ideal is not a popular one.

[ Realistically, the probability is much, much higher that they do not go home, that they die, never more than glorified lab rats. ]

[Newt glances behind him when Hermann doesn't follow, a little surprised...but he turns back to his pasta, poking at it as Hermann expresses his opinion. He's right that it's not a popular one.

Hufflepuffs, srsly.

Newt, however, just huffs]

Honestly, dude? I don't really care as long as we get to go home. [because he just...he doesn't. So why does he feel a little guilty about Hermann hearing that????? He shoves a forkful of pasta in his mouth to quell the feeling]

[ This whole thing has taken a turn for the—well, only slightly weird, as far as dreams go; but Gojyo's still not completely following. This doesn't bother him as much as it maybe should. Sure, why not? Anyway, he has to side with Newt here. ]

These dudes kidnapped you and you're worried about whether they get to keep their heads?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Test Drive Meme #9

mah nishtana u jerk

both precious

i'm sorry x 9999

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