dankmemes | test drive meme #17

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!test drive

test drive meme #17

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open February 22nd, and apps are open March 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: SHOOTING HOOPS
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

There you are, calmly exploring this super cool cave city, when all of a sudden you see something roll toward you. What could that possibly be? Why, it seems the Door has brought in some hoop snakes, which are definitely real.

Hoop snakes are poisonous and aggressive reptiles, able to pursue fleeing prey by grasping their tail in their jaws and rolling after them like a wheel. Wow, so efficient! Hard to get away from, though, and kind of... terrifying? If you want to get away, you better be a fast runner. Or maybe you should climb something. Good luck!]

S O R R O W

SCENARIO TWO: YOU GOT THE BLUES
[You woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed. Not the angry side - the sad side. Somehow, everything just seems to be going wrong, and you don't know why. You were out of milk for your cereal, the fruit you picked just yesterday is already going bad, and instead of getting frustrated all you want to do is feel sorry for yourself.

Even the good things aren't going too well. Maybe your friend just told you your hair looks nice today - doesn't that mean it looks bad the rest of the time? Probably. They've just been too nice to tell you. And your crush smiled at you - that probably means they know about your feelings and are getting ready to let you down easy. That's the only explanation.

No matter what happens, your mind is giving you the worst, most depressing interpretation. You can try to fight it and be aggressively upbeat - or maybe you just want to cry on somebody's shoulder. Yeah. That sounds good right about now.]

D E L I G H T

SCENARIO THREE: PUCKER UP
[For once, Hadriel looks rather lovely, all covered in snow and seasonal! Sure, it's not quite the right season anymore, but who really knows what month it is? Not the residents, and certainly not the gods. But for whatever reason, Delight has decided there should be snow on the ground and ugly sweaters in the shops.

And, of course, mistletoe. On your wanderings around the city, you may find yourself under the mistletoe with a friend or a stranger or even an enemy. Regardless of who they are and how you really feel about them, the mistletoe will give you a gentle compulsion to plant a kiss right on those appealing lips of theirs. You can resist if you want - it won't force you - but don't you kind of want to go for it?

This is a mini version of our Kissmas event this month!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's a city in a cave. And having two under your thumb is better than one, right? Look at it!

[As if Jacob weren't already invading Ned's space, he clamps a hand down on Ned's shoulder as he gestures down the street. Shops... empty shops, but,] Think of them, restored and running under your name. We can get you another pub, another office...

[Ned frowns at even more Jacob in his space, and at the empty shops... He can practically hear the buildings themselves sigh with disappointment, as he does.]

You've got an eye for flair, that's for sure. And there's certainly nothing wrong with being ambitious, you know what I think about that, but—one problem. [He gestures at the empty shops, and then at the sweaters they basically just stole, but no one cared?? So it wasn't stealing??] This backwater cave city hasn't caught on yet that money makes the world go 'round.

Oh. [Jacob's little smile falters, but it doesn't deter him from looking out at those shops with that ambition. Maybe it was from his lack of experience in... anything business related, but he'll just have to have his own hope and make up for Ned's.]

But it does... have people. And people... need favors. I clean up a place for you, gather some things, then people have a place to come in for something. Starting from the bottom isn't so bad if it gets us anywhere.

[Aw, he's trying. Ned chuckles this time, although he's not so sure how far an economy of nothing but favors will carry him. Them. Apparently there's an "us" involved now.]

So I can count on you to ride my coattails down to the fake bank? [Hmm,] I could use an extra pair of hands around.

You can count on me to pick up your coattails if they're dragging you down. [Is it necessary he wink? Absolutely not, but here he is, winking. He thinks he's so smooth.]

Partners? After your favors, of course.

Is that what this is for? [He plucks at the edge of Jacob's coat again. Is Jacob just going to be difficult until he agrees?? It's ridiculous, but Ned knows he's not much one for intimidating without his people behind him, so...]

In that case, how about we start you on "associate" until I get my favors? Think of it as a little motivator. I may even put your name on the door if you're exceptional as usual.

[The door to the office he doesn't currently have, and no he won't, but that's fine. Jacob is exceptional, see.]

Perhaps. [Jacob reaches over button up the front of the coat, effectively sealing Ned in it until he's had enough. His grin gradually grows wider at his terms and... admission? He's exceptional. And he doesn't actually care if his name on the door, so long as he continues getting the praise he deserves.]

Call me motivated, Ned. You have yourself a deal.

[What the fresh hell is Jacob Frye doing to him?? Ned looks down at his hands while he does up the buttons, not sure if he should be amused or offended or something else entirely. What is this? Why is this?

He settles for brushing Jacob's hands away with a pensive hum, but he leaves the buttons as they are for now. He can still move his hands, he's fine. Dignified.]

My, if you aren't easy to please. Now, I believe you said something about finding somewhere to stay...?

Maybe I just have low standards. [He does, and he's kinda insulting himself, but that's besides the point. Jacob still walks like he's on top of the world while he's in a city miles under, all because he's ran into his new associate.]

I can't think of a better place to plot domination than an ominous... thing. [Spire is the word he's looking for. Idiot. That is where Jacob is leading Ned off to, though, because he has excellent taste.]

Maybe. And call it business, it's polite. [Domination... Maybe a little domination, but people get antsy about that sometimes.

Anyway, look at those...] I know you're from the sticks, Frye, but isn't this getting too literal?

I'd answer that if I knew what you were saying, Ned. Speak English. [Jacob furrowed his brows, like he always did when something was just too American for him.] I don't see anything else, unless you'd like to sleep among ugly sweaters.

[Ned just gives him the same look he gives him every time something is Too American for him. Get past it, Jacob.] You don't know what a stick is?

[That's it, that's all he's giving up. Talk to more Americans. He doesn't answer the sweater suggestion, instead just shaking his head and gesturing for Jacob to lead on. Yes, take them to the big twigs, great.]

I know what a stick is, but I didn't live in them. Do you really think I'm some sort of caveman? [Jacob is dumb and blind; he doesn't see his point. He shakes his head, adjusting his hat and making his way to the spires with a record of only two glances back at Ned.

Honestly, he surprised and disappointed to find they weren't in a state of disrepair on the inside. He so wanted to see him have to do some work. But the stairs...] You gonna be able to handle all that exercise, Wynert?

[Christ, does he need to equip Jacob with a "How To Talk To Americans" leaflet or something? This is dumb. He scoffs, choosing not to answer that caveman question in favor of casting a critical gaze at literally everything about the spires. Why are they so big and pointy? Why are they fucking round on the inside? Is any of this real?

Jesus.] You gonna offer to carry me up, next? I'll pass.

I could. Easily. [Jacob says so quickly, like he'd already had the thought. But never mind that now. He crosses his arms, tilting his head back to stare at stairs that only winded up.]

I don't know if you remember what it's like, Wynert, but I don't really think we can afford to be picky.

[Ned scoffs again, he knew it. Stop trying to do things for him, it's going to get suffocating before long.

God that is a lot of stairs. Sigh.]

I remember. [please, of course he remembers being hella poor, and he remembers that Jacob wasn't even there!!] Well, let's see what the finest lodgings this city has to offer are like on the inside.

[Stairmaster time, let's go. He won't need Jacob's coat by the time they actually reach some apartments, so bear with him as he stops to fiddle with buttons.]

[Jacob had been waiting to follow after Ned, as per usual, so he stops when Ned stops. It's a good thing he'd behind him: his disappointed look would provoke endless shaming. Still, he'll try to be smart,] Yes, any day now, Wynert.

[He pulls the coat off Ned's shoulders for him, mostly because the thing is ridiculously heavy with all his murder tools. Not because he's helping Ned again or anything.] I'm sure the single beds are up higher. If only we could use my hook...

Feel free to go on ahead. [Please don't actually abandon him here to play hooky, but he's not going anywhere via hook and rope, either. He lets Jacob take his coat back without any complaints.]

The higher up, the less willing someone'll be to come all the way and shoot us, so come on.

[Let's keep going... See, he only has Jacobs best interest at heart, as simple as it would be to stop here and just deal with a double bed apartment. His privacy trumps his desire to stop climbing all these stairs.]

Planning on making enemies? You know, people would normally prepare to invite friends over. [Jacob doesn't actually mind climbing all these stairs. He does twice the exercise daily, so he's only sticking close to Ned for the company.

Not that he's overly-fond of it, or anything. He's an associate. But when they reach a floor of one-bedrooms, his attention wanes.] A little homelier than expected, for a... tower.

[Invite friends over... that is funny. Ned only entertains in public, thanks.]

Well, trouble seems to find me whether I'm looking for it or not. [Like Jacob, for example, ohhh. Now, let's casually walk into an apartment, surely they have some kind of indicator of whether or not someone lives there... time to go inside.

What is this round room nonsense.] This is a crime against architecture.

What are you talking about? This is magnificent. [Of course, Trouble has terrible taste in more than just clothes. He steps into the room with a grin, more or less because he knows Ned's going to be disgusted.]

It has a... [Stovetop. But it's far too updated for Jacob to name it.] ... counter. Already up to my standards.

[Seriously, what is that thing?? Here's Ned to join Jacob in staring at it, perplexed. It might be a stove? If a stove were a toy?

What is this apartment?? He has a new criticism, anyway,] I don't like the look of the walls.

I'm sure you'll be able to cover them with wanted posters soon enough. I hope they get my good side. [All his sides are good sides. He wants posters from every angle.

He is going to investigate this stove, though. He turns a stove knob, and like a true genius, touches the top. Behold, Jacob Frye, pulling back a burned finger like a genius.] Well-- This is the kitchen!

[That is a little weird, Jacob. Ned is about to sass this comment before Jacob touches the stove?? Apparently it's a stove—at least Ned looks concerned first instead of laughing at his misfortune.]

Are you gonna get yourself killed the second I turn my back on you, Frye? [like, jesus] Why don't you keep your hands to yourself for ten minutes?

My hands are great at doing things, so. [So. Yeah. Shut up, Ned, he's going to go touch the sink for... scalding hot water on that finger. The appliances were questionable after all.] For fuck's--

[He'll tuck his hands under his arms, now, shut up,] I think you can cook.

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