dankmemes | Test Drive Meme #22

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open July 25th, and apps are open August 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:
1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: THE WRONG KIND OF SCARY
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

There's an odd shuffling to your right and to your left. Do you know what that is? Maybe not, but at least nobody else does either. You might peek at an eye stalk or a stinger, you might catch a glimpse of something that can maybe pass for fingers... or maybe it just has a mouth on its butt because its creator was feeling particularly sadistic that day. That's right, you're looking at the creatures from Spore, EA's infamous alien creation game with the most awkward alien creator imaginable.

These particular Spore creatures are the carnivorous kind, the kind who seek out and eat other creatures so that they can instantly procreate to pass on their victim's genetic code and make their species even more wild. You might not want to stick around and watch the mating process. I promise it's just as weird as you think.]

T R A N Q U I L I T Y / C O N F U S I O N

SCENARIO TWO: STEPFORD SUNDAY
[You wake up one lovely weekend morning to the sounds of birds chirping outside and sun streaming through your window. What a wonderful day to be perfectly normal and happy in the suburbs! Your family is all around you, like a Norman Rockwell painting, happy to go about their average day in their average life in their average city.

So what if your sister is an archdemon? Or your father is somehow a dragon? It's just the way that things have always been... isn't it?

The perceptive of you may begin to see cracks in the veneer, may begin to wonder why everything seems to be so perfect... and as the truth begins to unfold, it paints a much darker picture than the one you're seeing. Are you sure you don't want to stay, just a little while longer?

This is a mini version of our Stepford Summer event this month!]

R A G E / D E L I G H T

SCENARIO THREE: CAKE WARS
[There are plenty of ways in this world to rouse your competitive spirit. Many of them involve athletics- few involve such beautiful edible artistry as this.

That's right, you're in a cake baking competition, and no matter how competitive you normally are, thanks to Rage's influence, you want to win. Competitors can be in teams of two or alone, and they have until morning to bake their cakes to the fullest and bring it to Delight's temple for judging.

So what kind of cake baker are you? Do you revel in your artistry? Do you measure everything and carefully prepare each icing tip? Or do you know that you suck at cooking and decide to use the opportunity to sabotage your opponent's cake instead? Nothing is off limits, and all's fair in cake and war, after all!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You've never played fair in your life, asshole. Whose cake did you fuck up?

Edited 2017-07-22 03:31 (UTC)

[Wow, rude.]

What makes you think I fucked over someone else? You have no proof.

Because I know you, and I know you're going to be pissed if you lose.

I would be pissed, yeah, but I'm not gonna lose. That's the trick.

[She squints at him.]

You are with that cake. What did you do?

[God!! He's doing his best, leave him alone. He waves his hand and sets her stupid cake on fire.]

Nothing.

Harlan! What the fuck!

[But fine. Kyna makes a crushing motion with her hand, and a spectral hand follows suit, squishing Harlan's shitty cake. So there!]

[WTF!! Harlan shrieks and jumps off of the counter.]

Hey! You could've just put the fire out. Jesus.

[But if his cake is totally trashed, hers is going to be, too. He hucks a bubble of acid at it and it starts to erode. Eat shit.]

You're the one who has to be all fucking dramatic about everything. I'm just speaking your language. Now we both lose.

Says you. [He dredges up a bag of flour from one of the cabinets and thunks it onto the counter. A white plume bursts from the bag on impact. Shit. Well, still.]

There's still time. My second one will be even better.

Do you seriously think I'm going to let you win? How long have we known each other?

Who said anything about you letting me kick your ass? It's gonna happen, K. You may as well just accept it.

[He drops like half the bag into a mixing bowl (yes, the one that's already dirty, listen there's no time for dishes!!) and heads to the fridge for eggs and all that other cake stuff.]

[Is he serious?

Whatever. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Kyna takes the salt from her station and dumps as much into his bowl as possible without being too obvious.]

[YOU DICK. Unfortunately for Harlan, he doesn't see that. He spends a moment rummaging, and then returns to his station with a whole thing of eggs, a cup of milk, and like four sticks of butter. He dumps it all into the bowl and starts mixing.]

What, you're giving up?

[Kyna's goal has shifted from "win" to "make Harlan lose", so she just raises her eyebrows and shakes her head.]

Get to it, Buddy Valastro.

Am I supposed to know who that is?

The fucking Cake Boss? Are you serious?

[He throws up his hands.] Do I look like a guy that knows what a cake boss is?

[Whatever!! He's dumping his mixture into a pan and firing up the oven again. He's gonna win.]