Test Drive Meme #22

[hadrielmods]

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open July 25th, and apps are open August 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:

1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: THE WRONG KIND OF SCARY
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

There's an odd shuffling to your right and to your left. Do you know what that is? Maybe not, but at least nobody else does either. You might peek at an eye stalk or a stinger, you might catch a glimpse of something that can maybe pass for fingers... or maybe it just has a mouth on its butt because its creator was feeling particularly sadistic that day. That's right, you're looking at the creatures from Spore, EA's infamous alien creation game with the most awkward alien creator imaginable.

These particular Spore creatures are the carnivorous kind, the kind who seek out and eat other creatures so that they can instantly procreate to pass on their victim's genetic code and make their species even more wild. You might not want to stick around and watch the mating process. I promise it's just as weird as you think.]

T R A N Q U I L I T Y / C O N F U S I O N

SCENARIO TWO: STEPFORD SUNDAY
[You wake up one lovely weekend morning to the sounds of birds chirping outside and sun streaming through your window. What a wonderful day to be perfectly normal and happy in the suburbs! Your family is all around you, like a Norman Rockwell painting, happy to go about their average day in their average life in their average city.

So what if your sister is an archdemon? Or your father is somehow a dragon? It's just the way that things have always been... isn't it?

The perceptive of you may begin to see cracks in the veneer, may begin to wonder why everything seems to be so perfect... and as the truth begins to unfold, it paints a much darker picture than the one you're seeing. Are you sure you don't want to stay, just a little while longer?

This is a mini version of our Stepford Summer event this month!]

R A G E / D E L I G H T

SCENARIO THREE: CAKE WARS
[There are plenty of ways in this world to rouse your competitive spirit. Many of them involve athletics- few involve such beautiful edible artistry as this.

That's right, you're in a cake baking competition, and no matter how competitive you normally are, thanks to Rage's influence, you want to win. Competitors can be in teams of two or alone, and they have until morning to bake their cakes to the fullest and bring it to Delight's temple for judging.

So what kind of cake baker are you? Do you revel in your artistry? Do you measure everything and carefully prepare each icing tip? Or do you know that you suck at cooking and decide to use the opportunity to sabotage your opponent's cake instead? Nothing is off limits, and all's fair in cake and war, after all!]

Comments

lucretia • the adventure zone (ota)

[scholiast]

01: the nightmare scenario

Uhh...

(Lucretia has seen monsters before, many times, but nothing quite as unsettling as these ones. It's something about the slipshod nature of their bodies, the limbs that bend at bizarre angles, the unwavering, unblinking eyes. She should... probably take note of these things, right? Currently, Lucretia is frozen in place and the monsters are similarly still: it feels as if moving might break the spell and set them loose.

Her hand shakes as she digs her journal out of her pocket, and a pen out of the other.

They're not watching her, exactly, but some how that only makes it worse?? At least they haven't moved yet. She starts to sketch out one of the big, bulbous eyes, gaze nervously darting from monster to page– she frames the little drawing with several question marks.)

03: a baller cookie

(Lucretia doesn't do a ton of baking, really. She's never had a reason to: she lives with two very sufficient cooks, both of which are bound to be absolutely beside themselves at the sight of her... creation.

I'm an artist, Lucretia thinks, and slowly spins the cake around on its little platter, frowning as she does. I'm intelligent. I know how to follow instructions– and I regularly paint portraits. This shouldn't be so... hard.

She has no idea where she's gone wrong, but her final product looks so... wonky. Lucretia scrunches up her nose, and tries to use a little spatula to give the icing on the top another smooth over, as if it might help. She wants to win this competition so, so badly– she abandons the spatula and goes back to her recipe book, wetting her thumb so she can flick through the pages at top speed, looking for something a little more basic. Maybe she has enough time to start again?)

01.

[weedbgon]

[ Well, chock one more up to the growing list of things that are incredibly familiar to see, yet equally confusing and jarring. Red robe, surrounded by chaos, scribbling away even though she looks... ah, a little on the scared side. Literally can't even blame her, what's up with this arena today.

This is a Lucretia he hasn't seen in... what, at least a decade? Hard to be sure, between his shit memory and the fact that he's still not 100% up to speed on his cycles yet. It's been coming back slower than it probably should. But whatever. He remembers enough to know she might get a little too distracted detailing a stinger or a seventh hand, so he makes his way over. Magic or no magic. Like. He's got a warhammer. ]

These are some weird-ass dogs, huh?

[scholiast]

Oh–

(Lucretia is still staring at the monster when he speaks. The sudden voice at her elbow makes her startle, hand jerking: she draws a wonky line right through her sketch. Thankfully the voice is instantly recognisable, as she'd been about to ready a spell.)

Merle, (she says, relieved, and looks down at him, raising her arms.) I think I've mentioned that...

(Her voice trails away, nose scrunching in confusion. It's definitely Merle, but he looks noticeably different: older, eyepatched. One arm is entirely wooden?? It's disarming enough to take her mind off the monsters altogether.)

[weedbgon]

Yeah, I mean, you probably did. Some people can just think of everything.

[ He's pulling a sort of half-tiptoe move to secure a better look at those drawings. ]

Those look good, kid! I like that line. Artistic liberties and shit. [ merle it's literally your fault. ] We can get into that when we're out of the zoo that Pan forgot, though. Assuming we live.

[scholiast]

(She's still looking at him oddly even as he barrels through her awkwardness without acknowledging it, but eventually she relaxes. Honestly, it's probably got something to do with the strange monsters and the absence of the others. A... strange dream, perhaps.)

Sure, (she says absentmindedly, and glances down at the jagged line through her sketch. She adds two round dots near the top to make it look like an unimpressed :/ face, which is fitting, because it's how she feels about this whole situation.)

I think it's safe to assume that we live, though. I've been standing here for five minutes now and they've not much more than looked at me. Though I can't say I'm particularly fond of that either, so I'm fine to mosey.

[weedbgon]

That's what I like to hear! Get outta this mess and into the bigger mess.

[ Look. He would frame that drawing and put it on his wall, without hesitation. Merle sets off, mostly just glad that Lucretia's not all super-engrossed and refusing to budge this time. ]

So, where'd you blow in from? Gotta be past the mushroom planet. If you haven't even hit mushroom planet, we're pretty much boned.

[scholiast]

That seems recalcitrant, (Lucretia calls, but hurriedly falls into step beside him all the same, casting a nervous little look over her shoulder at the monsters. Thankfully, they don't appear to be following.)

Sorry– what? (None of this makes any sense! Her brain feels like it's working overtime to try and understand.)

I'm, um. I mean, we just left Tesseralia.

03;

[restinglichface]

[This is simply a disaster. There is no way around it.

Without any warning of her presence, Lup reaches from behind Lucretia to pluck the book from her hands, immediately tossing it over her shoulder to clatter somewhere in the background behind them.]

Yeeah, I don't think anything in there is going to save... [There's a vague sort of gesture towards Lucretia's cake.] --this.

[scholiast]

Lup, (she protests, both relieved and embarrassed by her presence. She cares about other people's opinions of her after all, and Lup's must be... tarnished by now, at best. The cake is truly awful.

She regards it with a critical eye, trying to find something about it that's worth talking up.)

You know it... um, it probably tastes just fine? It just needs a make-over, that's all.

[restinglichface]

[Oh yeah. Completely tarnished. All of Lup's respect for the other woman who'd been her dear friend for over half a century is just thrown out the window because she sucks at cakes.

Goodbye, friendship.

After chucking the book behind her, Lup darts around Lucretia to reach for a spare apron hanging on the wall, tying it around her with a precision born from doing it daily for most of her life. Lucretia may not feel too at home in the kitchen, but this is where Lup excels.] Hey, everyone starts somewhere, Luce. Don't beat yourself up over it. Like you said, we just need to see what we can do to fix the exterior. And, y'know, if that doesn't work, we'll trash it and start again. Np, np.

[Besides the frosting disaster, Lup will need to check the denseness and weight of what Lucretia's made. It might be too top-heavy the way it's stacked now, but that's a pretty simple fix.] So, tell me what you have in mind for this and we'll try to get it there.

[teamwork!]

[scholiast]

(Shut up, this is a very stressful situation! Lucretia's emotions are running very high right now! She's not even sure why; all she knows is this cake must be perfect, and it is far, far less than that.

It's a big relief to see Lup reaching for an apron, pulling it on without a second thought. Good, just the person she needs to haul her out of this mess.)

Did you just say 'np' out loud? (It doesn't matter. She hovers awkwardly over Lup's shoulder while she inspects the cake.) Well, I wanted it to be, uh– (she makes a gesture in the air with both hands: a round, rectangular shape.)

Smooth, I guess? Smoother. And lighter. And– I wanted to do a design on the top, I got these edible food pastes to use as paint. It– (she sighs, a short huff.) It was supposed to look pretty.

[restinglichface]

[Lup just shrugs, all too casual.] Wizard speak.

[With Lucretia hovering at her shoulder, Lup gives the cake a little spin on it's turntable. It's easy to see that the actual cake is fine, fairly even and not collapsing in on itself in the middle. That's a plus. The issue is the height, the messy frosting, and the general presentation. Lup can fix this.]

Alright, this is going to require some surgery, but we can definitely save this base. [Lup dips her finger into the frosting and brings it up to her mouth, judging the flavor with a quick nod.] Not bad. We're going to need another batch of frosting for this. And another layer for the cake. Let's go with opposite of whatever this one is so it has a little pizzazz when you slice into it. Oh, and some raspberry mousse for filling!

[Lup is immediately in motion, kneeling to grab a few clean mixing bowls from the cupboard. But then she peeks upwards at Lucretia.] Uh, that sound okay?

[She isn't really trying to take over Lucretia's whole thing, but it's hard to not run with it when she knows her way is absolutely the best.]

[scholiast]

Uh huh.

(Forgive her: she shouldn't be so flippant to somebody trying to help her, but she's a bit stressed out right now. She wrings her hands as Lup gives the cake a cursory spin. It doesn't have even one good angle. It is a complete disaster.)

Yeah, of course, (she says quickly, and rolls her sleeves back up again.) Do whatever you need to do, it all sounds good to me. I can start on the frosting.

(Is she allowed to help?? She glances at Lup for permission, hands hovering over her baking supplies.)

03 :3c

[pocketspa]

[Listen, Lucretia, Taako appreciates the level of attempt you made here. Really. Cakes are hard and baking is difficult and he's confident she did her best.

Of course, this would be much nicer if he was saying these things. Instead, he is just barely containing a rancorous amount of laughter by cramming his hands over his mouth and blinking away the tears.

When he thinks he actually has proper words that aren't Terrible, he decides to offer something resembling a suggestion.]

Did you, uh, cool it before you got all that frosting up in there?

curse u hell twins...

[scholiast]

(Gods, of all people why does Taako have to be here. Lucretia steels herself for the inevitable laughter; when it doesn't come she gives him a little, withering look in response.)

You look like you're about to pop, (she observes, and returns to her book, flicking through to the original recipe.)

Um, I... no, I just put it on after it came out. I thought it would be faster to spread it that way. (She didn't even seal it with anything before she attempted to ice it, so. Take her to town, Taako.)

hell twins coming out of their well to shame cakekind

[pocketspa]

[Well, she's right, he is like seconds from loud-ass wheezing laughter, but she speaks again and he can't contain the little hiss through his teeth it causes.]

Oh babe, you at least need a crumb coat. Oh man.

[Can he even salvage this at this point for her? Maybe if they scraped most of it off, let it cool, and redid the lower layer...]

Okay, so first off, gotta let it cool before you put anything on top, cuz otherwise the heat from the uh, from the dish is gonna heat up the frosting and make it runny. Totally ruins your base layer. But uh, it's cake, so it's full of crumbs right? So before you put down, like, the whole ton of frosting, you're supposed to do a crumb coat. Like a really thin layer that can cool in there and seal all those stray crumbs from goin' all over the place.

[Which he's gonna guess she did neither of from her previous statement.]

So uh, you're a little boned my dude.

shoves them both back in

[scholiast]

(Lucretia raises an eyebrow, but flips to the back of the book to find one of those weird little blank pages they sometimes put in cook-books for notes or whatever and quickly jots down everything he tells her anyway. It's how she be. Her career in cake making is probably coming to an end after this ridiculous competition but hey, maybe somebody else will need the information some day, and then she can save them from a smug explanation.)

Stray crumbs... gotcha. Okay. (She snaps the book shut, and considers the cake.)

Is... is any of it salvageable? I don't think I have time to start again.

YOU CAN ONLY DEFEAT ONE

[pocketspa]

[Aww, she's taking notes. Well, of course she is if he's being honest. One, his advice is infinitely valuable, and two, he's pretty sure if Lucretia isn't taking notes she's been replaced by a body double. Still, she asks his advice, and his grin goes wide as he considers her cake for a moment.]

Mmm, by you? I dunno. By me though, probably. And seein' as you're askin' so nice, I can probably help whip something up.

[He still looks so pleased with himself, scraping a little bit of frosting off the top to taste and poking at the texture.]

Well the good news is that it's kinda sealed itself now that it's cooling, but you're still gonna want to get, uh, most of this frosting off-- do you have time to make another layer? 'Cuz we could hide this real well by just putting it on the bottom or trimming the sides.

> taako

[scholiast]

Oh, thank you so much. (She's too stressed to be explicitly sarcastic, and knows that even if she was he'd still pretend she had been sincere anyway, so. What's the point. At least he's agreed to actually help.)

I... uh, I think so. (She's back to flipping through her cookbook again, sneaking a hurried glance at her remaining ingredients.) Yes? Yes. I'm sure I can make something a little less half-baked this time.

(Puns! Even in this time of stress.) I'll start on that– you do... whatever it is that you need to do.

03

[armcollector]

[Magnus isn't looking much better with his whole cake business. He knows he shouldn't be focusing on anyone's cakes other than his, but his looks... well. He tried to layer and it mostly just came out like an earthquake happened while he was baking. So he's frankly given up on the whole endeavor and decided to win the old fashioned way.

By cheating.

He's watching Lucretia inspect her own cake, and she doesn't seem to be looking away from it for long enough to give him an opportunity to strike. So he's going to try a different approach.

He walks right up to her.]

Heeey, Director.

[He's definitely not gonna just call her Lucretia anytime soon. She's his boss, whether she's reached that point in her personal timeline or not.]

How's it goin'? I noticed you're having trouble with the, uh, the smoothness. Of the whole thing. I can probably guess what you did wrong there. Did you add enough... m--, um, milk?

[He tries to look like he knows what he's talking about. He absolutely doesn't. But he folds his arms and leans against her counter casually nonetheless, looking like he is definitely supposed to be there.]

[scholiast]

Hey, uh, c-level executive Burnsides. (Since they're doing nicknames now, apparently???) You've got a good eye, there.

(The cake sags in the middle as she valiantly tries one more time to smooth the top over. Of course, she's only making it look worse with all of her fussing. With a sigh, she drops her spatula into the little sink near her set-up, and puts both hands on her hips.)

No, I– um, I'm pretty sure that I used a reasonable amount of milk. A normal amount? (But the cake looks so... awful that she can't help but doubt that, now. She chances a glance at Magnus, somebody she has never considered to be any good at baking before now. He looks quite confident with himself. Perhaps Taako's rubbed off on him, and he actually knows what he's talking about.)

... How much should I have added?

[armcollector]

Yeah, see, that's your problem. When you make white frosting, it takes more milk. Because milk is also white. So like another... uh, another cup should do the trick. But you've already got the frosting on the cake, so... just pour some of that bad boy on there, bam, you've got a smooth cake. Smoother than a babybutt.

[That's right, Lucretia. Just pour some milk on your cake. It'll be fine. Magnus knows what he's talking about.]

[scholiast]

(Okay this sounds fake, now. Lucretia's gaze flickers from the cake, to Magnus, and then her eyes narrow.)

No... I don't think– Magnus, I think you're labouring under the impression that because I am not a cake genius, I therefore must be a cake idiot. I'm not either; I'm simply cake impaired. And I'm not about to pour a cup of milk onto this either, are you serious??

(She doesn't know if she's offended that he thought for a second that this might have worked or if the whole thing is just really funny. She gives him a Look.)

[armcollector]

[There are two things a person can do if they are caught in a lie. The first is to own up to their bullshit, and actually be honest for once in their goddamn life.

Magnus opts for the second: doubling down on some wack assed monkey business that can't even be called the most ridiculous thing he's ever tried to convince someone of. He folds his arms and narrows his eyes. He doesn't even have to fake how offended he is. He is offended. How dare Lucretia not just blindly do whatever he says?]

Well, excuse me, Madam. I'm sorry my cake knowledge is too avant-garde for you. I'm really trying to help you here, and what is the thanks I get? Namecalling. Shame on you, Lucretia, shame on you for not taking the chance to save yourself in this competition. I guess you're fine with coming in last place.

[He gives a little hmph.]

Fine! I won't help you, since obviously my generosity isn't going to be appreciated anytime soon. [The second Lucretia starts to say something in return, he cuts her off loudly.] Ah-ah-ah! Nope! Nooope! Don't bother asking for forgiveness. It's too late. The damage is done.

[scholiast]

(For a moment she's left doubting, mostly because Magnus seems overly offended by her skepticism, but the more he wheedles away at her defense the less inclined she is to actually believe him.)

I didn't– I called you by your name, Magnus– (is all she manages to get in edgewise before he's off again, and she has to hide a snigger behind one hand. Oh, he's dreaming if he thinks she's about to wreck her own cake with a cup of milk after this.)

Magnus, (she tries again, and then has to repeat herself as he tries to talk over her again anyway,) Magnus, shut up– if you're desperate to get somebody to ruin their hard work to some how save your own skin, surely you'd be better off picking somebody who actually made a cake that looks any kind of good??

(She gestures at her 'creation', which is sagging horribly to the left. Gods, to think she's had to self-burn in order to get through to this idiot.) Please. Mine hardly needs your 'great ideas'– I mucked this one up just fine without you.