Test Drive Meme #34

[hadrielmods]

Welcome to Hadriel's test drive, and thank you again for your interest in the game! As always, our reserves page is here, and our applications page is here! Reserves open July 25th, and apps are open August 1st. Please remember that there is an app cap of 20 apps.

Two quick points here as well:

1. Any thread made in Hadriel's test drive will be accepted as the sole Action Log sample in the application.
2. All threads made in the test drive can be considered game canon, either through handwaving or through a shared mental experience while coming through the Door!

Test drives will be broken up into specific god mini-events, during which your characters can see how well they fare under the watchful eye of one of the gods. Choose wisely or just simply pick 'em all, and have fun!

F E A R

SCENARIO ONE: OOZES GEOMETRICALLY
[The Door brings in all that is chaotic and evil in the world. This may include you, may include the person next to you... and may include the monster behind you.

The only warning you may get is the squish slick sound of movement before a gelatinous cube is upon you. Leaving gross trails behind them and with their see-through bodies filled with the bones of those that they've dissolved in their jelly, these cubes have no real vulnerability other than their limited movement.

Gelatinous cubes are exactly what it says on the tin, giant translucent cubes of jelly whose main attack tactic seems to be cornering people in small hallways and just sort of absorbing them into its mass. They then digest all meat and flesh and leave only floating bones and various metals their victim may have been wearing stashed inside of their jiggling forms.

Maybe it's time to apologize for the last time you brought a jelly mold to a potluck.]

A L L

SCENARIO TWO: MY LOYAL SERVANTS
[Thanks for your service to the gods! In order to power each of them up, it's up to you to pick a deity you like most (or dislike least, as it were) and simply say their name in order to be influenced by them and encouraged to inspire their emotion in others!

What, you don't want to play? Too bad, accidental name calling works just as well, even if you didn't mean to incite them- you'll feel their presence pulling their chosen emotion out in you anyway. Hope you picked a good one!

This is a mini version of our In Need Of A Boat event this month.]

C O N F U S I O N

SCENARIO THREE: I MISS GPS
[Sure, you might be a little confused at being here at first, but that generally goes away within a few days. This time... well, this time, that feeling of befuddlement isn't quite going away. Roads that you take seem to disappear behind you when you turn around, your right turns are left turns on the map you're following, and you're pretty sure that everyone except for you put their shirt on backwards this morning.

Is everyone high? What they're saying makes absolutely no sense to you. You can't find your way out of a paper bag, let alone back to where you've been staying lately. Is that a dog or is it an eldritch horror coming up to lick at your calves?

During this prompt, everything will feel off and it can be very difficult to get your bearings at all. That's Confusion for you!]

Comments

sanji | one piece

[deviledlegs]

fear;

[A logical reaction to turning around and seeing an oozing cube of sentient gelatin moving toward you may be to run away, even if only to warn others of what's coming. The thing about logical reactions is that you need a logical person around to do the reacting. Sanji Vinsmoke may value logic more than half of his crew mates, but he has something else he values exponentially more: love.

What other object in the world could embody love more purely than food?

Whatever a logical reaction may be, Sanji's reaction is not that. Rather, he leans closer to the cube, sniffing its deathly stench with abject curiosity.]

What's this, what's this? Killer collagen? Jailer gelatin? Ah, if only I had my kitchen knives... I've never seen anything like this before!

[Somebody stop him. He will taste test this thing if he gets the chance.]


confusion;

[Nope. No. Nuh-uh. Definitely not.

Very, very slowly, Sanji raises a cigarette to his lips. It's with equally measured motions that he then lights the cigarette within the crook of his not-at-all shaky palm. He may be new to this joint, but he'd just scoured the place yesterday. There's no way. It's not possible. He can't be... No. He just needs to cool his head.

He breathes in, feeling the nicotine burn in the back of his throat. He breathes out, trailing translucent smoke behind him as he stares straight ahead at a lovely bunch of trees situated in the middle of a park.

Has he seen these trees before? Has he seen this park before? What are those weird ass, shittily designed buildings in the distance? No. Really. He knows he walked through here yesterday. He knows he did! And yet! He can't deny it any longer. He is undeniably, completely, and utterly lost!

In a flurry of frustration, Sanji throws his cigarette to the ground and stomps it out.]

Shit! I knew it! That fucking marimo's contagious!

love/shizuo sent me, hello

[demoncutter]

[ Zoro doesn't know what everyone's making such a fuss about. The most unsettling thing to happen is that his swords seem to keep shifting positions, but he's pretty sure that's this place and not him. He's already gotten used to double-checking with a glance, noting the positions in a microsecond. He can adapt. Even the minute details that he's used to noticing, and the way they keep switching around, that he can chalk up to whatever the hell is wrong with this place, and not at all to issues he's having himself. ]

[ (See what unwavering self-confidence gets you?) ]

[ The one thing he does recognize, unequivocally, is that loud, obnoxious voice. At least there's another Straw Hat here, but ugh, did it have to be this one? ]

Oi, what's contagious? Did you suddenly learn how to actually fight?

oh my gosh, hey there! truly, love is my greatest benefactor.

[deviledlegs]

[Unwavering self-confidence gets you muscles so overgrown that they pound your brain into fertilizer for your stupid green hair? Sanji has never been happier to have doubts!

The sea cook is already angry. Hearing Zoro's voice just after cussing the guy out is either the first sign he's officially in hell or a heaven-sent sandbag for him to kick the crap out of without worry. It doesn't matter which it actually is. They both end the same way. Sanji whirls around, spewing smoke from his flared nostrils.]

Eeeeh? That brain of yours isn't ground up enough for your liking?! It needs an extra foot print right in the center to stamp out the stupid?!

I'm talking about your sense of direction! The one you don't have! [He slams his hand out, palm up, and gestures for Zoro to fill it.] The empty space in your skull must have sucked mine out of my head, so give it back!

benefactor and enabler extraordinaire!

[demoncutter]

[ At least this interaction makes full and complete sense. ]

Oi, don't put it on me if you're lost. Maybe those curly eyebrows from hell finally grew into your skull and swirled up your brain. On the other hand mine's doing just fine, shitty cook.

[ Instead of the bullshit Sanji's demanding, Zoro scratches his ear with his pinky and makes to flick the dead skin and wax now under the nail into that outstretched palm. ]

you've made me fall in love with her all over again; sorry about the lack of icons tho

[deviledlegs]

[If there is one thing in this world that Sanji will never confuse for anything else, it's Zoro. Because Zoro is the one dark spot that mars his otherwise perfect pirate life on board the Thousand Sunny. Every other transgression he can forgive eventually. (Forget? Never. Forgive? Sure.) The marimo's existence? Not so much.

He smiles like someone right out of a dental commercial as Zoro very predictably flicks something disgusting and flaky into his outstretched palm. Sanji's smile twitches once, twice. Then all hell breaks loose. Flinging his leg directly at Zoro's forehead, he makes good on his earlier threat.]

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM SOME SHITTY SINGLE-CELLED AMOEBA!

don't even worry about it i literally only gave up and paid for icons 2-3 days ago lmao

[demoncutter]

I DON'T WANNA HEAR "SINGLE-CELLED" OUT OF A SHITTY DARTBOARD!

[ Shusui is out immediately, blocking that kick; Sandai Kitetsu comes out next in a wide swing for Sanji's thigh, torso, whatever. Like all their bitchfighting it has 100% of his skill behind it but no real killing intent. Just retaliation. ]

haha, the ultimate struggle, indeed; i'll fork up the cash if i app somewhere

[deviledlegs]

[Anything less or more would be a serious insult on Zoro's part, nothing like the ridiculous skirmishes they get into on a daily basis. But as it is, Sanji falls into the motions of their fight as easily as breathing. He doesn't spare it a second of thought. He needs to let off some literal steam; Zoro's got what it takes to withstand his heat. That's all there is to it.

Sanji kicks off Shusui, flipping backward in order to dodge Kitetsu's strike. He spins rapidly through the air, but as soon as he lands, he charges toward those swords once more. This time, his legs are a brilliant, sizzling red when he leaps into a handstand and helicopter kicks his crew's first mate with reckless abandon.]

JUST TRY TO HIT THIS TARGET, BASTARD!

that is usually my rule also i've just been memeing zoro so much i may as well be in a game lmao

[demoncutter]

[ Zoro feels the same way. This is how they fight, even over nothing. Anything else wouldn't be them. ]

[ He's ready when Sanji starts that spin, blocking every kick with his swords against the soles of those fiery, reinforced shoes. It's several seconds of just defense, waiting for an opening, before he ducks under a kick and swipes for Sanji's arm instead. ]

DO I EVEN HAVE TO TRY IF YOU CAN'T HIT ANYTHING BUT MY SWORDS?

oooh, nice! it sure helped me out.

[deviledlegs]

[A hasty shove against the earth saves his precious arm, but he's not done yet. From above, Sanji slams a fiery heel down, aiming for Zoro's shoulder.]

DAMMIT, YOU DIDN'T HIT ME EITHER!

[So don't act all high and mighty just because you haven't drawn that third sword.]

At least when I'm lost, I know I can just go in the opposite direction as you!

fear ahahaha

[hot_mes]

[nobody must know the contented sense of relief Law feels seeing a familiar face. A familiar friendly face. So instead of greeting him like a normal human being, he goes straight for the sarcasm.]

I wouldn't touch it if I were you, Black Leg-ya. I think it eats back.

[yo what's up have a snarky doctor standing on one of the upper levels just staring down, watching the proceedings]

maniacal laughter is go?

[deviledlegs]

[Luckily for them both, Sanji is not Luffy. However ridiculous he can be, he hasn't reached out to touch the thing yet. Law's arrival ensures he won't get the chance.

When he hears that warning issued by that voice, the surprised cook takes a step back from the cube, simultaneously turning to see the snarky doctor in all his behatted glory. It feels like it's been ages since he's seen Trafalgar Law. It can't have been more than a week.]

Ah, ah. The infamous Heart Captain has come to greet little, ol' me? [He responds in kind, a dose of affectionate teasing stirred into his bowl of sarcasm.] What's the occasion?

[You know, besides this weird island. And these weird cubes. And some very, very weird absentees.]

something like that

[hot_mes]

[seriously, on a day like today Law would have to Shambles first, yell at Luffy later. Really, if he's going to find himself in the company of Straw Hats, he'll take the smart ones any day.]

Just making sure no one gets themselves pathetically killed by monsters on day one. It's fixable, but you'll never live down the embarrassment.

[just in case, though, he whips up a Room real quick and flicks a loose stone over to squish the cube. Wouldn't want to have a lovely conversation interrupted by its insistence on trying to eat the cook, after all.]

[deviledlegs]

Oh-

[One more step back as the cube is crushed with ease. It's always fascinating to see Law's devil fruit abilities at work, as long as Sanji himself isn't caught up in the mix. Things had gotten a tad too confusing (and occasionally too stimulating) when that shit had gone down.

Still, seeing the creature flattened so soon is a bit disappointing. He really had been hoping for a chance to see if it could be used like regular gelatin to make something amazing like mobile cuisine. He can already imagine the starstruck look on Luffy's face upon seeing his dumplings run right off his plate.

Until his captain decides to show his face, however, Sanji will just have to make do with Law's more sensible snark.]

Day one? We're counting now? [He chuckles, then-] Wait. [Sanji's brow furrows. Surely he's misheard.] Dying is fixable? I must've missed that announcement.

[hot_mes]

[now that's one experiment he'll be happy to be left out of, thanks. Walking jello ew...]

Ah. That's...there's a lot to catch up on. If you're done playing with your food, that is. [with a quick nod toward the other cubes wobbling around the coliseum floor. It doesn't take much to notice that we're not in Dressrosa anymore, Toto.] The bones inside them don't fill me with much of a desire to see how they taste.

[deviledlegs]

[Dorothy carries Toto near to her chest sometimes, right? Sanji approves this metaphor.]

I figured I'd have to play catch-up after... Well. I definitely wasn't expecting this though. [He snorts wryly, but that doesn't stop him from hopping right past Law.] Try not to lead us into any dead ends. If you promise to talk while we walk, then I promise not to haul out the gelatin molds.

[hot_mes]

[next time, Sanji. If it's edible, feel free to kick it in the face.

Law smoothly turns and falls into step alongside him. The coliseum isn't huge and before too long the landscape comes into view - open ground, weird buildings, and the blessed sea beyond.]

First thing's first: this isn't the Grand Line or anywhere you know, so don't lose your head. We're working on getting home, it's just not going to happen tomorrow or in a week. [glancing at him] I take it Straw Hat-ya met up with you?

[deviledlegs]

[Oh, he will. If this is only the very first bomb Law plans to drop, he can't imagine he'll be in a friendly mood when next time rolls around. He will kick it in the face until it no longer has a face to kick, wasted meat be damned.

Upon being beset by the island view, Sanji stops, just long enough to reach into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes.]

...Yeah. I didn't make it easy for him, but you know Luffy.

["Alliances" and all that jazz.

Next comes the lighter. Sanji raises it to the cigarette between his lips. It sparks.]

Why aren't we on the Grand Line?

confusion | omg I just now saw this hi pls bring more one piece

[abyssalarcana]

[Well those sure are some eyebrows. Does he intentionally pluck them and draw them that way? Are they natural? It's funny, of all the myriad creatures Caedra has seen, all their Bosch-like shapes like wild living nightmares... somehow, spiral eyebrows are new.

And it wouldn't be worth commenting on, wouldn't be worth stopping for except as a matter of distaste at yet another human with poor taste in fashion, but he's so distressed, and her interest in language pushes her onward at the sound of a word she's never heard before. She calls out as she approaches, and yet she sounds dubious. The whole city just feels extra unsettling today.]

All right, I have to know. What's 'marimo'?

i've been binge reading after work in hopes of doing just that; we'll see!

[deviledlegs]

[Genetics are a crime against humanity, and so are Sanji's eyebrows. They're not his fault!

Sanji whirls on her, ready to unleash his long list of complaints. Then he realizes she has boobs.]

Meloriiiiine~! [His joints all but disappear as he melts around the hearts that have replaced his eyes. He slides right up to her in gusto.] Forget about that muscle-headed weed! You, my exotic flower, have already taken root in my love garden and freed me of such ugly thoughts! I could never fertilize your natural elegance with something so vulgar!

yesss good good

[abyssalarcana]

[Wwwwwwwow. Caedra likes it when people are forward, but this is an all new level of confidence, somehow both flattering and incredibly revolting. She doesn't shrink away, but instead stands her ground and glares up at him as her rapier pours liquid-like down her arm, out of her wrist, and solidifies with its hilt in the palm of her hand.]

Back. Off.

[Honestly he's lucky he's still standing, she figures. Her generosity does not often extend that far.]

<3

[deviledlegs]

Anything you ask, my orchid~!

[He practically crows his response as he skips backward with a twirl. Though he clearly sees her weapon, acknowledges as it molds into a very solid point, his fluid movements show no hesitation, not to mention fear. He's stepping back solely because she's asked him to, not because he's intimidated.]

But if I may extend the metaphor... [He smiles sweetly.] That's quite the thorn you've got at your side.

[abyssalarcana]

[Quite literally. The basket hilt of the rapier is designed as if woven together by a tangle of thorned vines. So, all right, he has a good eye - and he did listen to her, which is appreciated. She visibly relaxes, even smiles a little now that she's not being jumped at by some overzealous human.

She's not letting go of that sword, though, in case he decided to come running again.]

So it is. You've just arrived, haven't you? I suspect I would have noticed you sooner, otherwise.

[deviledlegs]

Fresh off the boat! [Literally.

He doesn't charge at her again, but he does get down on one knee in classic Shakespearean wooing fashion. Oh, Juliet, thine rapier hath pierced mine humble heart!!1!]

First rate cook of the sea, Sanji! At your service! And what may I call this ethereal beauty who's graced me with her divine presence?!

[abyssalarcana]

Divine!

[That earns him a wide grin, though she's a little bewildered by the compliment. Yes, he's being figurative, but as a demon the irony is really something.]

Call me Caedra. And do feel free to keep up the flattery. I likely deserve it more than the ones who do act as though they are gods here.

[deviledlegs]

WITH PLEASURE!

[Never before has a man been so close to pure happiness at being told he is indeed allowed to keep complimenting a complete stranger. He spins right back to his feet in an instant, giddily ogling his latest love.]

It's hard not to, when you smile like that!